We all know that trials are good for us.  They help us learn and grow, right?  But just knowing that trials are for our benefit, does NOT make them easier.  So what can we do to help us in the midst of our struggles?  IS there anything that can help in the moment? 

What about seeing a loved one suffer?  Sometimes it is so painful to watch, that we constantly wrestle with God, asking Him to take away their pain.  Have you ever prayed for someone else’s trial to go away?  Today, I’d like to give you a new perspective…

A perspective that could have you feeling more “supportive” than “sorry” for someone going through a trial.

And perhaps a new viewpoint for yourself that helps you keep your head up in a difficult situation.

We will cover the following:

1. Does it help to pray for trials to end?
2. How can we change our perspective of trials in a way that benefits us?
3. Is there anything we can do to make our trials easier?
4. What to do when our trial is too much and we need a break.
5. How to accept your situation and be “ok with hard”.

I’d like to share a story about one of my very best friends, my mom.

Several years ago, she was bombarded with a variety of major health problems, from chronic pain to cancer, as well as other internal issues.

It was one problem after another and she just couldn’t seem to catch a break.

The irony is that she is THE healthiest person I know, and is super disciplined about it.  When we were all eating pizza and cupcakes, she had packed her own lunch of lentils and organic salad.

She was also receiving help from medical doctors AND naturopath, and it seemed to me that between those two worlds, everything should have been “covered”.

I just could not understand WHY she was still suffering when she was doing everything right.  I can’t tell you how many times I prayed for her to find health, but to no avail.

For YEARS she had been doing everything she could, and with priesthood blessings, and prayers and fasting for her, it just didn’t seem right for her to not find good health.

Well, one day she and I were talking about it, and she was telling me how much she has learned through all her trials, and how she has accepted her situation and has found joy in her journey.

We had talked many times of this in the past, but for some reason it just hit me differently this time.

* She may never receive complete health in this life, and that’s OK!*

The point of this life is NOT to have perfect health!

The point of this life is NOT to sail through it with ease, finding solutions to all life’s problems!

Could it be that never finding an answer is what keeps us learning, growing, and drawing nearer to God?

Trials come, and they’re good for us, right? We know this.

Why then in the midst of a trial would I be pleading with the Lord to remove it from my mom?

She was LEARNING so much!! It has been so good for her! Yes, it’s been hard, but it’s been very good.

This mortal life is but a blink of an eye (I know this from personal experience… you see, just a few days ago it seems, Tyler and I brought home a beautiful baby girl from the hospital.  I blinked twice and now she’s a teenager!)

But truly, this life will pass sooner than we realize, and we need not feel doomed to live with our problems and heartache forever.

With this sudden eternal perspective I literally saw my mother as LUCKY!  Can you believe that?  I felt she was SO fortunate to have a life filled with experience and learning, and to think how advanced she will be in the next life… How could I ever want to take that from her…?

Hold that thought as I switch to a quick analogy…

I graduated from high school, as well as college.  Both schools challenged me in unexpected ways.  Some classes I had were fun and easy, while others were straight up HARD!

But regardless of what classes I was taking, just getting up at six in the morning was a rough schedule for me.  And sacrificing partying with my friends so that I could study or do homework left me with the worst case of FOMO!

School was hard.

But yet, I never once had the thought of quitting.  I didn’t even think, feel, or know that quitting was an option.  And not surprisingly, no one ever suggested that I quit.

I was going to get through it and graduate.  That’s where my eye was on the prize.

I have no idea what I would be missing in my life today if I had dropped out of school.

Many times, the only thing that kept me going was knowing that graduation was coming! Even if it was still 2 years away (which felt like forever at the time) I knew there WOULD eventually be an end to this staying up all night, cramming for finals, craziness.

Ok, time to connect the dots……

TRIALS are our SPIRITUAL COLLEGE EDUCATION! 

Of all the trials that you and I have had, and are having now, what do you suppose we would be missing in the eternities if we became “trial drop outs”?

If your loved one was working really hard to earn their master’s degree, and life was very hectic for them because of it…

…would it even cross your mind to suggest to them… to just quit???

I didn’t think so.

But that is exactly what I did when I asked God to remove that trial from my mom.  I wanted her “learning experience” to end before she had finished her “degree”.

We know from the Doctrine and Covenants that “whatever principle of intelligence we attain unto in this life, it will rise with us in the resurrection” (D&C 130:18).  And also “…that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall by for they good” (D&C 122:7)

It is no easy task to keep an eternal perspective all the time, but when we can clearly see the bigger picture, it helps the process of enduring because we know “there will eventually be an end to it” (the same way I looked forward to graduation from my formal education).

What a blessing it can be to know in the midst of a trial, that “this too shall pass” if not in this life, surely in the next!  And also to think what a great education you are receiving to take with you in the next life!!!  And if there are lots of medical bills attached, well…. no one said college was cheap…

The “graduation” from this spiritual college called mortality is the immortality that comes to EVERYone because of the resurrection of Jesus Christ.

There WILL be an end to our physical, mental, and emotional pain! Through the resurrection of Jesus Christ we can find hope and excitement for the day that WE will be restored to our proper and perfect frame!  And be reunited with our loved ones!

Elder Dallin H. Oaks said “We should all praise God for the assured resurrection that makes our mortal separations temporary and gives us the hope and strength to carry on.”

“Hope and strength to carry on”… I love that.  Trials are not meant to be easy, therefore, we must simply endure through them.

Unlike receiving a degree from a university, where one decides to put themselves through a tough time because they see the benefits, no one really gets to CHOOSE when a “spiritual educational opportunity” will arise, or even what kind of “degree” it’s going to be.

As such, we don’t feel sorry for ourselves or loved ones going through a hard and busy few years to obtain a degree.  Instead we just keep our eye on the prize, and/or cheer our loved ones on!

What would it look like if we truly saw TRIALS the same way we view traditional EDUCATION?  For ourselves, and others!

I believe that we would be cheerleaders for our friends, encouraging them to keep going, ALONG WITH empathy and prayers for them to have the strength and comfort they need along the way.  Rather than wishing and praying for their trial to end prematurely.

And for ourselves, perhaps we could endure the pain with a little more determination to keep going.

We don’t know WHEN a trial will end or ease, and that makes it harder than if we could KNOW we only have to endure for another week, or just one more month.

Even if we still had an additional year or two to go, it would be so much easier to at least have a definite date!  This is where the eternal perspective really comes into play.

President Russel M. Nelson said it best:

“When you are confronted with a dilemma, think celestial! When tested by temptation, think celestial! When life or loved ones let you down, think celestial! When someone dies prematurely, think celestial. When someone lingers with a devastating illness, think celestial. When the pressures of life crowd in upon you, think celestial! As you recover from an accident or injury, as I am doing now, think celestial!”

This is easier said than done, as most things are.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t do it.

I know that even an eternal perspective does not always help ease our pain during certain trials and that’s ok.

For example, physical pain is PAINFUL, and knowing it will eventually come to an end can give “hope and strength to endure”, but it doesn’t help the pain itself.  (Just like looking toward graduation didn’t make the daily grind any better, it just gave me hope and strength to endure).

And the enduring emotional pain from losing a loved one is a trial that is only momentarily helped with the knowledge that you’ll see them again.  (If and when it even helps at all, read here for more on that.)

To be separated from a loved one is heart breaking, and the longer you have to stay apart, the harder it is to let them go.  

Trials are just flat out HARD.

I think we all want them to be easy by having an eternal perspective, but the truth is that sometimes we just have to experience the hard.

Healing will come.  Your trial will end.  And at some point, thinking celestial will be the exact key you need to help you move forward.

Learning can be tough work, whether that’s an education that comes with a diploma, or experiences that life brings us.  This is normal, and ok!

Every second of our lives does not have to be happy or pleasant.

Of course, “we are that we might have JOY”!!!  And since there is opposition in all things, we are most able to experience JOY when we have previously known it’s opposite…

Sorrow.

Misery.

Despair.

I can tell you from personal experience that the sweetest times of my life have come not just AFTER, but BECAUSE OF the hardest times.

I have always immensely loved my family.  I have loved being a mother, even through all the chaos and sleepless nights.  The love that I have had for my family has always been maxed out to the fullest degree.

But I had no idea how much more there could be to the story.  I was clueless about what it meant to thank Heavenly Father every night, to the point of tears, for giving me another day with my family…

I have a sign that hangs on my wall that says:

Together is my favorite place to be.

And that is no joke.  A couple years ago, I was doing a meditation exercise with a group of ladies, and I was instructed to close my eyes and go to my “happy place”.

She said to envision myself anywhere in the world where I can relax and feel peace.  I was supposed to imagine all the details around me, and get a clear picture of the environment.

There was a time when I would have undoubtedly gone to the beach in Hawaii!  –By myself, haha!

But not anymore.  The first place that popped in my mind and felt soooooo good was on my living room couch surrounded by my family.

I silently cried endearing tears while envisioning scattered toys and books left around the room.  Socks and jackets were strewn about.  Blankets and other random items filled in the cracks. 

The environment was a mess.  And I felt love and peace.

I loved sitting there, snuggling up to those I treasure most, fully appreciating the moment I was having with them.  Just being able to hold them and be present.

This choice during meditation would NEVER have happened if I had not had an earlier trial in my life.

A trial that taught me how precious life is…

And that nothing is guaranteed…

Thanks to an extremely hard experience, my level of appreciation and gratitude for my family skyrocketed. 

I wouldn’t say that I loved them more (love was always there), but I no longer took their life and presence for granted.

To have my heart be overflowing with pure joy and feel like it was going to pop out of my chest when my family simply gathered together for prayer at the end of a regular ol’ day was surreal.

I clearly saw what a gift it was to tuck each of my children into bed after a normal “boring” day.

The sweetness that filled my soul to wake up in the morning and greet my children who had risen in good health was beautiful.

If you would like to know the full story, this post shares details leading up to the event, and this post includes specifics about the hardest part for me.

This is all great and dandy, but what are you supposed to do when you literally cannot catch a break and your trial has been bringing you down for longer than you can handle?

……..

……..

……..I don’t know.

Gol, I wish I had all the answers but this is one area where I don’t have a lot of experience.  I’ve never had an all-consuming trial that seems to have no end.  So even though I really don’t know what to say, I can offer some suggestions to try:

• Deep breathing (physically calming)
• Exercise (releases endorphins)
• Pray for guidance (God loves you)
• Engage in an activity that you LOVE (fill your soul)
• Service (can lift your spirits)
• Talk to a friend (someone who will actually listen)
• Gratitude journal (gratitude is magical)
• Regular self-care (it’s not selfish, it’s rejuvenating)
• Keep an open mind (you never know what can do the trick!)
• Stay in the present moment and deal with it (try not to get lost in despair, thinking of the future)
• Maintain hope (hold a little spot in your mind that however bad things have been and presently are, there is always always hope for a better tomorrow)

This I have learned, is that you don’t get a rainbow without a storm.  You can’t make fresh lemonade without sour lemons.  There is no joy without sorrow.

The hard parts of life open the door for better-than-you-could-ever-imagine parts of life.

It doesn’t make the hard times easier, rather it gives reason for them.

My thoughts and prayers are with you as you continue on your “daily grind” while working toward earning your spiritual college education.

I love you,

Kayleen

SDG

Instead of waiting around or wishing for better days ahead, find out how green your current pasture is!

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