One of the biggest lessons that I’ve learned in my life, is that no matter your circumstances, the grass will always be greener on the other side.  Always.  This is true, even for the people who you think it’s not.  (I literally have a friend who I thought this might not apply to, and yes, I asked her before writing this post if there’s any circumstance in her life where she looks at other people and thinks “wouldn’t that be nice”, and as flattered as she was to hear that I thought that of her, she assured me that her life is not perfect.)

So let’s not spend our time or energy gazing at other pastures, but instead focus on what is right in front of us!

If a goat were grazing on some mediocre grass, and looked across the way to the fields on the other side of the bridge, she would certainly see luscious green grass, and be ever so tempted to head that way.  If she wasn’t allowed to go over there, because say, a troll guarded the bridge, she may feel really disappointed and not enjoy what she has because she believes there’s something better.  But what she doesn’t know is that the quality of the grass across the bridge is about the same as what she’s eating now.

Because when you look at grass from far off, it just looks better, right?  Think of farmers fields… when you view them from the top of a hill, you see the glorious patchwork quilt, and it all looks so lush and thick!  And the green just looks so GREEN!

(Btw, isn’t it interesting that a synonym for “jealous and envious” is “GREEN”?)

But when you get up close and personal… it doesn’t look so great, and you wonder what went wrong. 

Well, lucky for our little goat friend, she was finally able to cross that bridge, and did so with much excitement.  But like I said, the quality of life (er, I mean grass) was not necessarily better, it was just different.  And there may have even been some things about her previous pasture that she missed, and longed to have again.

What if I were to tell you that I am that little goat?  Did you guess that?  Yes, indeed, I wished away many years of my life because I was longing for something better in the future. 

When I was in high school, I lived for the weekends –Monday would come, and all I could think about was Friday.  I was simply “getting through” the weekdays so I could ENJOY the weekend!  Not to mention, I couldn’t wait until graduation, when I would finally be FREE!!! 

Then came college, and I wasn’t so free… Again, I found myself wishing for the weekends, holiday vacations, summer breaks, etc.  I was not enjoying each moment of walking around campus, sitting in classes, studying for tests, writing papers.  Of course there were pleasurable moments through all that, but for the most part, I was usually reaching for the next best moment –when this class is over… when I’m done with classes for the day… when the weekend is here… Fall break…etc… and let’s not forget the ultimate GRADUATION!

But alas, after college came an office job, working 40 hours a week.  At least now I had my evenings to myself, instead of having to study or do homework, but it still was not satisfying enough.  I was obviously still yearning for weekends, but now instead of “graduation”, my next big thing was “someday I’ll be a stay-at-home-mom”.  I didn’t feel the desire to rush into marriage or kids in order achieve this, but I very much had it in the back of my mind, knowing it would someday come, and then I would “have it made”! 

I imagined myself with a handful of children, going on walks, playing at the park, and just resting and relaxing as I pleased.  You know, my kids would just play so nicely and entertain themselves.  I would be able to do WHATEVER I wanted, WHENEVER I wanted, and it was the most magical feeling in the world to know this would be my life someday.

I recall driving home on my lunch break several times, seeing a young mom pushing a stroller while her toddler rode his bike.  OH, how I longed to do that exact thing!  I have always loved walking, and to go on a leisurely stroll, in the middle of the day, with zero time constraints seemed more heavenly than flying with the birds themselves.

Well, all my dreams of being a stay home mom came true, and soon enough I found myself with my first newborn baby.  She was born on a Saturday morning, and we came home from the hospital the next Monday morning.  I spent all week getting barfed on, leaked on, and yes, even pooped on (beware of the newborn squirts, I had NO idea!  Just sayin…)  And as for sleep… what’s that?

Surprisingly enough, when Friday came, I subconsciously found myself SO relieved and ready for the weekend!  With a lifetime of “waiting for the weekend”, I guess you could say it was engrained in me.  But the weekend (as I knew it) never came!  Surprise, surprise (wink).  My life just kept on going in the same mode… I didn’t get to sleep in, or even sleep through the night for that matter.  I didn’t get a break, let alone a shower.  I don’t think I showered for 2 straight weeks –and that’s not fine when you’re covered in multiple bodily fluids!  Haha!

I loved my daughter more than I ever could have imagined, and I durst say, that’s the only thing that kept me going for so long.

Several months down the road of diapers, crying, sleep deprivation, depleted energy and overall exhaustion, I took my baby on our daily afternoon walk.  Walks were not particularly my most favorite thing to do because they always seemed to end with a fussy baby for the last block or so, which made me want to just rush the whole time.

I remember being particularly tired this day, and as I pushed the stroller down the sidewalk, I caught sight of a shiny red car driving by.  The driver was a young girl, I guessed early 20’s.  Her short, dark hair was done just right, and I was sure she was wearing makeup.  I envisioned that she was headed back to work after enjoying her lunch break at home.  Before I knew what was happening, I found myself thinking how lucky she was. 

She was lucky because after she got off work that night, she would be able to relax and enjoy her evening however she pleased.  She would be able to get a full nights rest, and feel like a person in the morning as she headed off to work in the brisk morning air.  I literally said the words to myself “she’s so lucky because she gets to do whatever she wants”, which were the trigger words that summoned the ghost of Christmas past (minus the Christmas part). 

As I was pulled back into the past, I clearly saw that now I was the mom pushing the stroller that I had so longed to be, not even a year earlier!  And that I USED to be that girl driving by on her lunch hour.  Of course I really had no idea what that girls life is like, but that’s beside the point.  The point is that that’s the story I was telling myself, and I had the biggest “ah ha” moment of my life as I realized that THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE!!!  I was literally on both sides of this situation, and no matter where I was, I could only see how great the other pasture was.

The truth is that both pastures were wonderful lives!  Both situations had a lot to offer.  And both were hard in different ways. 

Now that I knew how hard it was to be a mom, all I could see was how easy it was to work 40 hours a week.  (Can I just take a moment to give a cheer to all those women who combine the 2?  Being a mom AND working 40 hours a week!?  Bless. Their.  Hearts!!!!) 

Anyway, I hope I have done a good job in illustrating what I’m trying to say, which is this:

There will always be something less than desirable in your life.  You can either choose to focus on it, and yearn for better days; or you can find the parts that you love and focus on them.  You can cherish the moments, days, and phases of your life that bring you joy!  You never know what tomorrow will bring (good or bad), so find the joy in today and live it up!

I understand that it’s fun to look forward to the future with excitement, but do not make the mistake I made and let it take away from the present moment.

Now, I will admit that this was not a one-and-done lesson learned experience for me.  Through the years, I have often caught myself daydreaming of easier days ahead.  Telling myself that I can’t wait for the day when my kids are in school all day, because then I can do whatever I want!  Or even the time when I’ll be an empty nester! –Then I can REALLY do whatever I want.

But I have learned enough to know that those days will NOT be easier, they will only be different!!

I am already looking back on my phase of life when I had 3 littles at home, and we would spend our whole summer playing at parks, pools, and play dates -which at the time seemed SO hectic!  Now with 3 older children and a toddler, I feel like we’re busier than ever, running around all the time for soccer, ballet, guitar, baseball, 4-H, and more, and I’m trying my best to enjoy it all rather than wish for the more simple days back when I just had to hand out fruit snacks!

Holding out for “better days” is a lose-lose situation.  You lose when you’re not appreciating what you have, and then when you get what you wanted, you lose again when you look back and realize how good you actually had it.

So no matter what phase of life you’re in, and no matter what your struggles are, try to imagine what your life looks like through the eyes of someone in another pasture.  All they can see are the glorious GREEN circumstances, and they are thinking how lucky you are to have your life.  And though they may not see the whole picture, they are certainly right about something –that you indeed have a beautiful life worth enjoying!

Your life can be win-win!  You can love where you’re at, and then when you move into a new phase, you can love that too.  There is nothing wrong with looking forward to something, or remembering fond times of the past as long as it’s accompanied by gratitude and appreciation for what you have now.  The moment you start wanting out of your current phase, is the line where you cross into a lose-lose situation.  Gratitude will keep you grounded and help you make the most of anything!

The choice is only yours.  Will you wish your life away, or seize every moment?

I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Can you relate?  Have you ever wished a phase of life away, then looked back and realized how good you had it?  Do you live in the moment and appreciate your life as-is?  Tell me all about it!

I love you my friend, and I wish you the happiest life!

Kayleen

SDG