When I used to think of self-care, the ol’ “cucumbers on the eyes” image came to mind.  I think a lot of people think of self-care as “self-pampering”, you know, things like “get a massage, get your hair or nails done, pedicures, spa treatments, etc.”, and although those might be relaxing and a good “time-out” for some people, I would only count some of them as actual self-care activities (massage, hot bath, other stress relief spa treatments, etc.) but the salon/beauty care, I would say are only as beneficial as what is happening WHILE your hair/nails/facial are getting done!

For example, if you’re having a generic conversation with the stylist just to be polite, I don’t see how that is helpful to you.  But if you are close with your nail lady and talking to her is like going out to lunch with your girlfriends, then that would be taking care of your social needs.  If you are relaxing and resting while someone paints a mask on your face, then you are fulfilling a physical need to slow down.  See what I’m saying?  The sole act of getting your nails done might make you feel good, but it’s more of a surface feeling, not the same kind of sustainable good feeling as telling yourself that you love and accept yourself as you are.

However, that said, there is something about taking care of your appearance that is advantageous; whether it’s putting on make-up, wearing a nice sweater, or getting your toenails painted, it’s like taking care of a favorite toy by touching up the chipped paint.  If you look good, you feel good!  Just be sure that you are loving yourself no matter what you look like on the outside!  Whether or not you’ve gotten ready for the day, and even if you have some love-creases on your face!

Self-care is taking care of yourself.  When you think of taking care of yourself, think of how you would teach a child to take care of a very precious object.  You might say things like “be gentle with it, use it how it’s intended to be used, put it back in it’s place when you’re done”… yes?

Now let’s say the same things for taking care of your very precious SELF!  Be gentle (and kind) to yourself, use your body as it’s intended to be used (intake healthy food/water, move it daily, and rest it for 8+ hours a night), and put it back, or “re-set” yourself when you get emotionally/mentally/spiritually out of balance.  Do you feel like a valuable person who you want to take care of? 

For a lot of years, I had a subconscious feeling that I had to come last.  I like to see other people happy, so I would say “yes” to things that stressed me out, and being a mother, I felt it was obvious that my kids came first.  If I were to have consciously thought about it, I would have told you “yes, it’s important for me to take care of myself so that I can take care of my kids”, but my actions showed otherwise.  I was not doing much of anything to really take care of myself –sure I kept myself alive, but I was constantly depleted, and I have memories of yelling at my children to prove that putting “them first” was really not that beneficial to them since all they got was a drained, exhausted, and worn-out mommy at the end of the day. 

I want to put my kids first because I love them, they depend on me, and I want to be a good mom.  And now I see that if I desire to put my kids first, I actually need to initially put myself first.  I need to fill my cup each day so that I have kind and beautiful things to offer them all the way until bedtime!

My understanding of this took root one day after spending a couple hours talking with my life coach (which is always so uplifting), then instead of heading home, she invited me to sit on her back porch swing to read in the sun for another hour or so.  It was amazing!  The sun alone would have done me wonders, let alone relaxing and reading with zero distractions.  When I got home, I was SUPER WOMAN!  I not only felt like I could do anything, but I WANTED to do it!  I scooped up my toddler and made a great dinner with him on my hip, a smile on my face, and a song in my heart!  I wanted to serve my family.  I wanted to let my husband rest for a while and provide everyone a yummy meal.

I have thought back on that experience and how I was literally on a high!  I wonder if it’s possible to constantly live like that.  What would it take?  I don’t have 3-4 hours to run away every day, but I could probably do it once a month.  What would I have to do in between to keep up that blissful feeling?  Because I want to LIVE every day feeling like I’m on top of the world, and that I have oodles to give to my kids, my husband, my extended family, my church, my friends, and my community!  Giving brings me so much joy, and I want to prep myself and fill my cup so that I have enough to happily give!  (Emphasis on “happily” wink).

Honestly,  I say that I want to live with an over-flowing cup, constantly feeling like I have so much to give, but I do not think it is possible to continually keep that status.  Everyone has ups and downs –good days and better days with some bad days mixed in every now and then.  But I do think it’s very possible to have mostly good days!  And even if you’re not feeling like super woman, it’s definitely attainable to keep your cup full enough that you’re able to at least be kind to those you love most.

What about you?  How well would you say you take care of yourself?  A huge tipoff to know how you’re doing is by observing how you treat others.  How do you treat your family, your friends, and strangers from sunup to sundown??  Does anyone get your “empty leftovers” at the end of the day?  Say, a husband or kids?

If you need help keeping it together at bedtime –or anytime, please join me in adding some serious self-care rituals to your day.

Some self-care activities can take a long time, but there are some very effective things you can do before you even get out of bed in the morning!  And plenty of simple things to do throughout the day!

Here is a list of 27 things you can do for yourself:

Go on a walk (I prefer leisure walks over speed walks, but both are great!)

Drink a tall glass of water (preferably half your weight in ounces per day)

Yoga (it’s more than just a physical exercise!)

Stretch (I love listening to Handel’s Water Music while I stretch in the morning)

Eat something healthy (healthy can be delicious!)

Sleep (whether catching up with a nap, or sleeping 8+ hours a night; lack of sleep is my #1 cause of losing control over myself)

Take a bath (add in some Epsom salt, magnesium soak, and/or essential oils as a bonus)

Take a hot shower (and after you wash, just stand there for an extra 5 minutes or so)

Sit by splashing water (negative ions –also works in the shower!)

Intentionally smell some fresh flowers (close your eyes and breathe them deep into your soul!)

Quiet time (observe clouds, watch birds, sit and notice your 5 senses, etc.)

Read (favorite book, poetry, self-help or scriptures)

Dance (put on your favorite song and groove with it, I love to dance while making dinner… you can also dance behind a locked door if that makes you feel more comfortable to let loose!)

Sing (sing along to your favorite song, if nothing else)

Play an instrument (if you don’t know how, take up lessons to learn one -fyi, ukelele’s are cheap and require just a few youtube videos to get started!)

Sit in the sun (not to the point of burning yourself of course)

Visit with someone who lifts you up (or try lifting someone else up!)

Write poetry (a simple light hearted poem, or one that portrays your feelings)

Pray (and/or connect with God any other way you choose)

Spend time in nature (our gift from God as a “home” away from home)

Write your thoughts/feelings down (whether in an official journal or on the back of a receipt which you will throw away)

Say something kind to yourself (you can start with “I love and accept you   (your name)  ”)

Create something (think outside the box, remember papier mache, origami, and paper bag puppets?)

Cry (not always applicable, but when you have the urge, let yourself cry until you can’t cry anymore)

Unplug for a couple hours (yes, turn your phone on silent and hide it -you can inform others you’ll be doing so, if that puts your mind at ease)

Breathe (try 4 counts of deep breaths in your nose, then hold for 4 counts, and breathe back out your nose for 4 counts, then hold for 4 counts and repeat)

Give yourself an 8 second hug!  (Or find someone else to hug, then you both get oxytocin!)

This is only the beginning of the many things you can do to take care of yourself.

If you picked ONE thing off this list each day and did it, I would like to say that you would notice a difference in your life, but the truth is that you likely won’t. 

Smelling some fresh flowers is not going to change the course of your life, but……

…it CAN change 10 seconds of your life.  My neighbor has a mock orange bush planted next to the sidewalk, and right up there with lilacs, it’s one of my favorite flowers to smell!  I look forward to when it blooms each year, and pause my walk for a while to just soak it’s lovely fragrance in!  Mmmmmmmmmmmm!!!!!!!!

What is 10 seconds worth to you?  At the end of a hectic day, would you reflect on your blessings during an evening prayer, and remember the sweet smell that filled you with peace and calming?  Would you thank God for the beautiful flowers and how they brightened 10 seconds of your day?  

Just like when you smile at someone, and they smile back… who knows whether it made their WHOLE DAY, or if it just lifted their mood for 10 seconds.  Does it really matter how long the joy lasts?  Isn’t every little bit of peace and joy worth experiencing?  You may not notice any “effects” of going on a walk, but how about the walk itself??  Wasn’t that enjoyable enough to be grateful for the 10 minutes you spent out in the fresh air?

What I’m saying is that if you focus more on finding joy in the moment of self-care, and then reflect on your gratitude for it at the end of the day, you will slowly but surely start to realize a happier you.  It won’t happen in the first week or two, perhaps not even the first month or two, but if you’re focused on the MOMENT of joy, and express gratitude for those moments at the end of the day, then it won’t matter how long it takes because “a happier you” is not what you’re seeking.  That’s just the “unexpected” prize that inevitably comes when you follow the pattern.

The pattern of self-care.  “Take care of yourself.  Enjoy the time you take for yourself.  Thank Heavenly Father for those moments”.  And when you add that all up, I think you will be surprised when and how you notice a difference in your overall life.

Hopefully you’re picking up what I’m putting down.  Does this make sense?  If you focus on what the self-care activities are NOT doing for you (saying “I didn’t notice a difference”), then you’re likely to quit doing them before they have a chance to do you much good.  But focusing on the positive and expressing gratitude is always a guaranteed formula to feel great!  Along with valuing you body, mind, and soul -when you truly see yourself as a special, treasured being, you’ll have more of a desire to (and more fulfillment in) eating nourishing foods and whatnot. 

I would love to know your favorite self-care activity!  Did I mention it on the list, or not?  Did anything on the list spark your creativity or lead you to a new idea?  Please share your ideas with me, I would love to try something new!  Then let’s have fun taking care of ourselves and chat later about our overall experience with it!

All my love and positive thoughts,

Kayleen

SDG