(Ok… “hate” is a strong word, and I really don’t like using it, but it was the best one-word description I could think of.)

What if I were to tell you that after reading this post, you will be able to not only come to terms with something, someone, or a situation that you strongly dislike, but that you can actually LIKE that something, someone, or situation??  Well, get ready because that’s what’s going to happen!

First and foremost, I have to recommend you to read “Count Your Blessings” by Dr. John F. Demartini.  It is guaranteed to change your life, if you will practice its teachings.  I will only be summarizing the main idea in this section, but to get the full effect with many wonderful examples, I cannot extend the invitation more strongly for you to read the book yourself.

With that said, Dr. Demartini teaches that everything has a balance of positive and negative.  There is nothing in the world that is all or mostly good or bad.  Every single thing, person, and situation is neither good nor bad, it just is.  Whether we initially see things as “good” or “bad”, they are indeed neither.  This is because there is perfect balance in the universe that we live in, and there is always the same number of pros as cons, it just takes some time and thought to think of them sometimes.

It’s a simple idea when you apply it to something like a dandelion.  Is it a weed or a flower?  And when it goes to seed, is it an obnoxious mass of more potential weeds flying through the air, or is it a magical childhood memory of making a wish when you blow it?  It is easy to see here, that there is beauty on the other side of something most adults dislike.  Now lets look and see if there is anything “bad” in things that we actually LOVE.

I was somewhat skeptical of this idea when I first read it.  My mind immediately began racing, trying to think of something so wonderful that couldn’t possibly have a negative side.  It didn’t take me long to think of CHRISTMAS!!  I love Christmas, and thought there was no way it had a “bad” side.

 However, once I started thinking, I knew off the bat that Christmas actually can be very unpleasant for anyone who has lost a loved one, so that could be something “bad” about it. 

I kept thinking and realized that even Christmas has its own list of cons:  it’s a very stressful time of year, it’s a very expensive holiday, and there are always so many messes to be cleaning from parties, activities, and post opening presents.  Of course, in most cases, people choose not to dwell on the drawbacks of Christmas; therefore, we see it as only positive, though in fact it is balanced.

In my opinion, if you see something as “mostly positive”, then just keep that viewpoint.  No need to try to list all the “negative” things to find the balance, I only did that to prove a point.  Finding the balance is most helpful when you’re viewing something as mostly negative.

Dr. Demartini teaches how to bring gratitude and love into your heart by finding the balance in everything we see as negative.  He also teaches about the healing powers of gratitude and love, which flow through us when we truly see things as balanced.  Once we see the balance, we no longer feel any negative emotions at all, and instead are able to see all the benefits, thus feeling grateful. 

In order to find the balance, we must first write out a column of all the negative things about the person/situation/etc.  Write as many as you can possibly think of!

Then…… wait for it…… in the next column, list the same number of positive things as you wrote negative things!   (Don’t purposefully make your negative list shorter because you know this, haha)

I will show you my example of when I did this exercise.  I was very curious as to whether or not I could actually love something I absolutely hated. 

That something was…….

WINTER!

I really hoped that I could find the balance in winter.  I had been trying so hard the past few years to enjoy every season of my life (literally and figuratively), so I rarely would complain about winter, and would try to make the most of it, but inside, my heart would be yearning for spring to come!  So I listed the 5 things I hated most about winter (in no particular order, but this is the order I listed them in):

Gets too cold at night

Too cold when I go out anywhere

The automatic sliding door to the van freezes shut

Have to scrape off car windshields

Roads are slippery/dangerous

I whipped those out pretty quick, and it took a lot more thought to come up with these positive aspects:

It’s Beautiful!!!

No yard work

I get to see the kids excitement of playing in the snow/sledding

Variety of seasons –helps me love and appreciate the heat more

Fun to be “cozy” inside and cuddle in blankets/drink hot chocolate/etc.

After I completed those two lists, I had a thought.  Because there was so much talk about a “perfect balance”, I wondered if somehow, these 2 lists that I made would actually match up to each other; sort of like cancel each other out (I had not thought of this previous to making the list, so nothing was done on purpose). 

I drew a line from “roads are slippery” to “beautiful” because when we get a new fresh snow fall, that’s when it’s the most beautiful, and when the roads are most dangerous. 

I drew a line from “have to scrape off windshields” to “no yardwork” because it was trading work for work. 

The sliding van door only applied to the kids when they needed to get in, and I’d end up having to open the trunk and fold down the seats so they could climb in that way, and they think it’s so fun, so I lined that one up with “seeing the kids play in the snow” because in both cases, the kids are having fun. 

“Too cold when I go out” seemed to fit with “appreciating the heat more”, leaving “cold at night” perfectly lining up with “fun to be cozy and cuddle up”. 

What was most surprising was not just that they all matched up, but the order in which it happened with NO conscious thought or effort on my part!  Instead of listing them side by side in columns, I was writing in a small notebook and ran out of room, so I had them above and below each other.  Here is a picture of the exact way it turned out.  Please take note of how they all just so happened to line up:

It literally made a RAINBOW!!  What an amazing symbol of finding joy in something I super disliked.  And I am happy to announce, that this exercise really did the trick for me.  I actually feel balanced!  I don’t love winter now, but I honestly don’t suffer through it anymore.  I still don’t like to be cold, but I’m not longing for spring.  It’s not good or bad…. It just is.

I actually realized that winter is and always has been my “productive” season.  I clean out closets, organize cupboards and drawers, and get things done that have waited for months.

Now each January, when I think about everything that I’d like to get done before spring hits, it actually makes me not want spring to come so quick!  Haha!  And I appreciate these winter months that I have, that keep me inside so I can get as much done as possible before running outside to play all spring, summer, and fall.

Now it’s your turn!  Choose an area in your life that you would like to see the balance in, and make a list of all the negative things.  I chose to start with winter because I wanted something more “lighthearted” just to experience the process.  Afterwards, I did it to help with a struggling relationship.

Then, next to the column of cons, write just as many positive things! (They do not have to “cancel each other out”, though you may find that many do.  Either way, try not to think about it during the exercise.)

Now, there are two more steps that I did not do in my example above because it did not seem applicable.  First, if the thing you seek balance in is a person or relationship, after you have filled out columns one and two, make a third column.  Here, you will write down a time when you yourself did the negative things that you wrote down in column one.

This may seem absurd, and you may think you have never done anything like that.  But think generally and elusively.  If someone stole your $2,000 camera, have you ever once, even as a kid stolen a penny candy from the store?  They do not have to match up equally, just find the time in your life that you were on the same gray scale.

Second, make a fourth column and consider how your actions in column three actually benefited someone.  Have patience, it’s not going to come all at once, but it will be worth your time to fully complete this exercise.  How can stealing a penny candy benefit anyone, you ask?  I honestly don’t know.  Ask yourself, what was learned from that experience?  Perhaps it benefited you, when you got caught and received your first life lesson on being honest, and you’ve never stolen anything since!  Whatever your reasoning is, be genuine.  What you put into this, is what you’ll get out.  If you truly seek to find peace in your soul, I advise again to actually read the book yourself.  You will get so much more out of it than what I can write in my little summary.

I would love to know what you think, and if you have an amazing experience with this, I would be delighted to hear how it helped you!

Best of wishes to you!

Kayleen

SDG

If you liked this post, you might also enjoy my post on gratitude, Not Your Average Post On Gratitude.