Self-love is a tricky ongoing process.  I have found that you can make leaps and bounds on overcoming your inner critic and truly come to love and accept yourself… and yet… still struggle at times.  No matter HOW much you truly love and accept who you are, there will always be more to work on loving.

So with that said, we’re going to discuss:

1. How to know when we need self-love
2. How to get started on the journey of self-love
3. How to continue on the path of self-love.

1.  How to Know When We Need Self-Love

Certainly we can’t practice self-love if we don’t even know we need it.  So how do we know?

Well, the simple answer is “if you’re a human being, then you know you need self-love”, haha.

So maybe I should phrase the question this way:  

“WHEN do you need self-love?”

This answer might seem pretty obvious, but I’d like to point out that self-judgement can be pretty sneaky at times so I’m going to give you some indicators to look out for.

It’s all about being aware of your thoughts and feelings!

Of course, there’s the obvious “I’m not good enough” or “I’m so stupid” thoughts that could use some self-love and compassion.  But here’s a few more that you might miss if you’re not paying attention:

• “So-and-so doesn’t like me.”
• “I can’t believe I am late again.”
• “Why wasn’t I invited too?”
• “If only I would have_______!!!”
• “No one needs my input.”

 All of these and more are opportunities for you to have some understanding, forgiveness, and love for yourself.

If you’re ever feeling:

• Rejected
• Unimportant
• Left out
• Discouraged
• Not good enough

 Then you know it’s time to look at yourself from a loving point of view and say some kind words in the mirror.

 Basically, any time that you are thinking or feeling negatively about yourself is when you’ve found something to practice loving. 

So, what is the first step in learning to love ourselves?  Let’s see in the next section.

2.  How to Get Started on the Journey of Self-Love

You can start in any way that feels good to you, just remember that it’s like eating an elephant.  Just start by taking a few small steps.  Some things that could work for you might be:

• Positive affirmations about yourself. Some examples include:
  • “I am a child of God”
  • “I love and accept you ______” (your name)
  • “I am equal”
  • “I am loved”
  • “I am lovable”
  • “I am one with everything and everyone around me”
  • “I am a genius, and I apply my wisdom”

• Forgiving yourself when you make a mistake.
  • For me, this started out as immediately forgiving myself when I was running late to something. I have often been late for appointments, meetings, gatherings, church -you name it, I have been late to it.  And I haven’t been very kind to myself for it.  I used to put myself down and think that everyone was disgusted with me for being late.  But when I heard the idea of forgiving myself, I tried it out the next time I was running late.  I never would have expected it, but I cried sweet tears of love in my car, as I felt loved, accepted, and forgiven by myself.

• View yourself as you view someone who you love dearly.
  • Whether you’ve made a mistake or are feeling inadequate, think of what you would say and do if someone who you treasure were putting themselves down.  Would you lift them up and tell them that everybody makes mistakes and it’s ok?  Would you let them know how much you care about them, and how valued they are?
  • You, my dear friend, are just as priceless and deserving of your own love as anyone else in the world.
  • You have so much love to give… and I hope you can see that it’s such a beautiful thing to give some of that love to yourself.

• Use music to your advantage!
  • Find a bunch of good songs that have a message of self-love and acceptance, and make a playlist with them. Then sing and dance to them in your kitchen while you make dinner or do the dishes!  Sing along in your car, or anywhere else!
  • This is not just suggested as a mere “fun activity”.  I have personally discovered the impact that music can have on a person, and have used it to help foster my own thoughts of becoming more accepting of who I am.
  • To get you started, I will offer my top 3 favorite (and most helpful!) songs that were basically on repeat a few years ago (just ask my family if you don’t believe me, haha)
  • #1 – “I Was Born” by Hanson
  • #2 – “Couldn’t Be Better -Pop Version” by Kelly Clarkson
  • #3 – “Show Yourself” by Idina Menzel
  • There you go… #1 will most definitely change your life.  You’re welcome!

I don’t know that I can speak of self-love without also mentioning gratitude, so the last idea I have for you to get started is:

• Fill your heart with thanks.
  • This is thanks to God, yourself, and others.
  • It’s thanks to your past self and your future self.
  • It’s thanks to all the hurt you have experienced and thanks to all the healing.
  • This is giving thanks to all that you are and all you will become.
  • This is feeling grateful for everything and everyone around you.
  • It’s waking up and being thankful for another day to live!
  • Gratitude is lifting, and the more you can run that energy through your soul, the better you will feel.  It is one of the biggest assists you can give yourself on your journey of developing self-love.

Once you taste the sweetness of such tender love for yourself, you may think that you’re set for life!  At least, I thought that.

In my experience, I thought I had discovered a secret potion that would allow me to sail through the rest of my life without ever doubting or getting down on myself again.

But alas… I am human.  And I have a human brain that functions as regular as can be.  And because of that, I have learned that self-love is not a destination.  And I’m not going to call it a journey either (even though I called it that above).

I personally don’t like the term “journey” and would much rather think of it as a never-ending VACATION!  Hahaha!

Journey = trudging through the wilderness.

Vacation = FUN and enjoyable!  When you’re on vacation, you’re relaxed and more able to let go of your worries, which is exactly what self-love can do for you (well, maybe it doesn’t release all your worries, but it definitely helps with a lot!).

So, how do we deal with the thought that we’ll never be “set for life”, and that we’ll always need to keep trying?

3.  How to Continue on the Path of Self-Love

Just knowing that it’s an ongoing “vacation” (haha) is really the biggest thing that will help you.  If you’re expecting to have to continually revisit your affirmations and whatnot, then it’s not going to be as discouraging when you NEED to use them.

For example, let’s say you do something completely embarrassing in public and you feel like an absolute idiot.  If a quick “I love and accept you” affirmation helps remind you that you’re ok with who you are, and you’re then able to move on and forget the incident, then GREAT.

But if your mind keeps giving you flashbacks to that moment, and you want to crawl in a hole due to the mortification, that could possibly be disappointing when you realize that you’re not perfect at self-love after all.

So, if you just expect that every now and then you’ll have a “growing opportunity”, then you’ll be able to have more patience and understanding for yourself while you figure out how to love that new-found part of you.

I can tell you from experience, that the more you want to fully love and accept yourself, the more angles you will start to see of yourself.  In other words, your eyes will be opened to more and more things that you don’t like about yourself.  This is hard but good, because if you don’t know what you don’t like, then how can you ever learn to love it?

Throughout my journey –er vacation!  I have learned that I don’t like the rebel side of me.  I don’t want to be “bad”.

Ironically, I also don’t like the “goody-goody” in me.  So, I don’t want to be bad, but I don’t want to be too good either.

Now that is just confusing!!

But I’m so thankful for the experiences that have led me to discover this about myself, because I truly do want to love ALL of me.

That sweet little brown-noser girl deserves to be loved.  As does the punk!

And here’s a hint for you as you go along your way:

• The way you view other people is the way you view yourself.

So when you find yourself getting annoyed or mad at someone, take the time to ask yourself why you feel that way, and then find that “unloved” part of yourself and use all your affirmations, music, and gratitude on it until you love it ALL.

Conclusion

I believe that self-love is a choice.  Not the kind of choice where you can say “I just choose to love myself” and then BAM—you’re good to go.  But the type of choice that is in your power to change. 

Maybe a different way of saying it could be “it’s all in our minds”.

As such, the more you put the message of “I love and accept you” in your mind (through thought, song, action, etc.), the more your brain will start to build stronger connections with that belief and then it will become the dominant thought.

If you have not yet tasted the sweetness of truly loving yourself, I have a 2 week challenge for you!

For the next 14 days, do all the things I mentioned in step #2 above!  Pick your favorite affirmation (one I listed, or find your own) and say it to yourself as many times a day as you can!  Be as kind and forgiving to yourself as you would be to a dear friend!  And be grateful for all that you have and are!

Ready, set, GO!

If you have experienced the joy and peace of self-love, then you know what I’m talking about.  Keep it up!!

You are a loveable person. 

Just the way you are!

I love you.  God loves you.  I hope you love you.

Kayleen

SDG

My post “Stop Telling Yourself You’re Enough“, can get you off to a great start for the 2 week self-love challenge!

And then pair that with “You Can Do Anything You Want To” and you’ll be off to the races!