When you’ve been hiding the parts of yourself that you don’t like for so long, it can be extremely difficult to even admit them consciously to yourself, let alone someone else.  So what does it mean to be “awkwardly vulnerable”?  Let’s dive in!

Well, the definition of vulnerable is:  “Susceptible to…emotional attack…”. 

So basically when someone is being vulnerable, they’re putting themselves in a position where they could easily be made fun of or embarrassed. 

It’s not common for individuals to do this because most folks tend to put a lot of weight on other people’s opinions, and feel like they need to conceal certain things about themselves.

We might think things such as:

• People could easily think I’m dumb if they knew_______.
• Friends might not like me as much if they found out_______.
• Others could look down on me if I told them_______.
• The pedestal that my community holds me on could crumble if _______ were exposed.
• I need to keep anyone from finding out _______ at all costs.

To go forward and admit such things is a very vulnerable thing to do.  And I say “awkwardly” vulnerable because I’m just telling it like it is.  It’s AWKWARD!

It feels weird to say your insecurities out loud!

It does NOT feel easy or comfortable!

But… I have a secret…

The more you do it, the smoother it gets!  And not only that, once you get on that track it can almost be addicting!  Haha, ok, not actually, but I have to bring in the Pringles slogan for this one –“Once you pop, you can’t stop!”  It just feels so good to get it all out that it becomes a little runaway train inside of you and you’re saying more vulnerable statements than you ever thought you would! 

So, if I haven’t already convinced you that being awkwardly vulnerable is one of the best things ever, let’s go over 3 specific reasons to give it a try.

1.  It Helps You

When I was in college, I was always checking the student job board for random ways to earn some extra cash.  Once I scored on a one-time cleaning gig to help someone get her house cleaned for company.

I was dusting a knick-knack shelf with a bunch of glass figurines, when I accidentally knocked one over and a piece broke off!

I felt HORRIBLE!!

Of course I was immediately bombarded with all my options, thinking:

“Don’t tell her!”

“No, be honest!”

“But I can’t bear the thought of telling her!”

“Ah, I have to say something!”

“What if she docks my pay?”

“She’s going to be so mad!”

“Ohhhh, I just can’t tell her!”

I was able to fit the piece back together and it balanced perfectly so she would never know I broke it until she touched it herself.  But by then, I’d be long gone and she wouldn’t even remember me!

I held this burden with me for the next hour or so as I cleaned, debating on whether I was going to tell her or not.

As scared as I was to disclose what happened, my honest roots run deep, so I ended up telling her before I left.

Let me tell you, I have never been so happy about a truthful decision in my LIFE, because GUESS WHAT??!!

She laughed and said that it was already broken!!!!

I could not believe it!

I was SO relieved, and ULTRA happy that I got that off my chest so I didn’t need to carry “useless guilt” around with me!

Imagine if I hadn’t told her and went on for the next 30 years hiding that secret inside of me.  And say I finally went to her house again to clear my conscience and told her the truth. 

Envision how I would feel to hear that it never was an issue I had to worry about in the first place, and ALLLLLLL those years of feeling like I had to hide it were an unnecessary burden.

THIS….. is the same feeling I had when I realized that I had been hoarding secrets about myself for no good reason because no one actually cares about them.

Feeling like you have to hide your insecurities is the same as carrying around “useless guilt” or an “unnecessary burden”.

And when you finally get it out after ALLLLLL those years of feeling like you had to hide it, the feeling of freedom is unreal!  I’m telling you…

There are few greater freedoms in this life than being free from those inside voices in your head –Being free from the burden of worrying what other people think of you!  “Emotional JAIL”, if you will; for are you really “free” if you’re constantly living your life for other people?

If you can muster up the courage to be awkwardly vulnerable even one time –in a safe space (no need to shout it out on social media before you’re ready, start by conversing with a close loved one or a professional), I feel confident that you’ll instantly feel a little better about yourself.

Here are just a few of the things that used to be so big a deal to me that I’d never say them out loud, along with the thoughts in parenthesis of how I feel now after just getting them OUT:

• I have big hands. (Who even cares???)
• I’m so tall. (Yeah, and it’s really convenient to get things off the top shelf.)
• I’m not fashionable. (Because I’d rather spend my money on other things like craft supplies or home decor, or just save it.)
• My house is a mess. (Yup.  And I clean it when I clean it.  It is what it is.)
• I make lousy meals for dinner. (I’m doing what I can with where I’m at, it’s ok that I’m not cooking like my grandma.)

All those things that brought me so much embarrassment and shame are just normal parts of life!  I look very different from people who wear the latest fashion, and get their hair and nails done regularly, and why should that be a problem? 

I know it’s common for everyone to judge everyone, and if someone looks down on me because I’m sporting men’s basketball shorts and a t-shirt, that is about them –not me.  I have come to terms with who and how I am, and I actually like me just the way I am!  I never would have come to this place of freedom without being vulnerable.

So go ahead and explore this concept! See if you can empty that figurative backpack filled with rocks that you’ve been carrying around.  Throw them out into the river and feel the refreshing splash of water on your face as you become clean from so many long-held “unnecessary burdens” about yourself.

2.  It Helps People

I know that this is true because I have personally received help in escaping my insecurities through other people’s stories.

I used to be so embarrassed about the fact that I didn’t have the perfect marriage.  I saw everyone around me seem so happy with their spouses and felt that I was the only one struggling.  Several years ago when my friend told me she was getting a divorce, I was floored and realized that other couples who always look happy aren’t necessarily doing well. 

I can’t tell you how many friends have commented to me how happy Tyler and I are together; which only reinforced the drive in me to continue to put on a show, and let NO one know what difficulties I was going through.

When he and I decided to go see a marriage counselor, I was super awkward about asking my mom to babysit our two children for us.  I said we had an “appointment” and left it at that, even though I could see the question in her face.

I was embarrassed to go to a therapist (hey, that rhymes!), because needing THAT much help meant that we had a HUGE problem.  And having a huge problem meant that there was something wrong with me.

Would you agree???

Was there something wrong with me, or had I just never been married before and needed some guidance and direction on how to communicate with someone so intensely connected and intertwined with my life?  Yeah, I think it’s the latter.

There is no shame in asking for help, whether it’s from a friend or a professional!

I tell you that story solely because I want to help.

I want to help because I was helped by a little snippet in Gail Miller’s book “Courage to Be You”.  She helped me take one little step away from feeling so ashamed and embarrassed.  She talked about the hard times that she had through her marriage and said that in the end she’s just glad that they both never wanted a divorce at the same time.

At first, I couldn’t believe that she would openly admit that either of them EVER wanted a divorce!  It had come up a few times in my marriage and I thought those were secrets that I would take to my grave!  But hearing an iconic lady speak so freely about it made me wonder if I could possibly do the same. 

So over the last few years, I have talked about it in conversations where applicable, and have told family and friends that I have had my fair share of marital struggles; each time gaining a little more confidence in knowing that I’m not the only one to have ever struggled in matrimony.  And for the record, it’s all been SOOOO worth it!  All the hard times have just made the good times that much sweeter!  And I wouldn’t trade my husband for any in the world!

I don’t know if it’s that “misery loves company”… But there’s something about hearing someone else struggle that can encourage others to say “ME TOO!” without feeling embarrassed. 

To know that you’re not alone is HUGE!

Like when my friend asked me how my “house is always clean” then told me hers is usually a mess… just hearing her say that flipped the switch in my head that made me realize I can also admit that my house can be quite the disaster sometimes! 

YOU can be the help that someone else needs to let go of their “unnecessary burdens”.

Not all issues can be resolved so quickly, some are more deep-seeded and therefore need special attention, which brings us to our next point…

3.  It Helps People Help You

Being vulnerable with yourself (by that I mean “consciously acknowledging your issue”) is the first step in receiving help.  For the most part, you cannot get relief from a problem that you don’t know you have.  You might not realize the ROOT of the issue, but you can start with what you know and work from there.  So being aware of yourself and your feelings is key.

Next, it’s extremely hard to heal certain matters without the help of someone with knowledge and experience.  This could be a professional therapist, a life coach, or possibly even a friend that’s willing to help who has been to a lot of counseling/coaching themselves and has caught on to the pattern of working through things.

So in many cases, it’s very crucial to be vulnerable and open up to them if you truly want to see results of healing in your life.

This truly is an awkward thing to do.  I have sat in a room and declared in chin-trembling tears that I feel rejected.  And that’s NOT like me to do something like that… I have spent my whole life putting a smile on my face and saying “all is well!” 

Because really, all IS well, I’m an optimist! And I actually do see the bright side of things naturally.  But hidden deep inside of me –so deep even I have been able to ignore them– there lived some broken parts.

I’ll tell you straight up that I had the most magical childhood and a happy life.  I had friends all through school (ya know, except third grade), and have been treated well by friends and family.  I am not your typical “person who needs therapy”, but the change that I have experienced through getting outside help has OPENED MY EYES!!!  I believe that every single person in the world can benefit from it! 

Obviously, depending on your situation, an actual licensed therapist is going to be your best shot, but there are some life coaches out there who could do wonders for you.  Or again, a knowledgeable friend (not necessarily a well-meaning friend with their own opinion, but one who REALLY KNOWS how to dig into issues and resolve them). 

If you want to give it a try, know yourself, and choose someone you feel would fit you best.  I personally LOVE my life coach!  But remember, no one can make you change; you must do your part of the work, and that includes being vulnerable to start with.

Some things you might say in a quiet room with someone who has the time to listen, AND some expertise to help are:

• I feel overwhelmed sometimes
• I’m afraid of failing
• I’m not sure if I’m good enough
• I struggle with feelings of loneliness
• I want attention, but I wish I didn’t
• Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong
• I’m scared to open up about my feelings because I don’t want to be judged
• I’m embarrassed to cry in front of others
• I feel like I’m always comparing myself to others
• I put on a happy face to please others, but inside I’m falling apart

Maybe you won’t be aware of that level of feelings right off the bat, but you could start with something like “for some reason, I don’t like my mother-in-law” (I personally love mine btw!)

And then if your “helper” is good at what they do, they can take it from there and if you’re willing to be completely vulnerable along the way, you could find that you learn something on a deeper level about yourself.

Something so unfathomable like “I don’t like my MIL because she reminds me of myself –the parts of me that I don’t like”, and when you reach that kind of realization, that’s where true healing begins because now you can start to love ALL the parts of you.

For your own sake, let someone help you by being vulnerable.

It’s weird and awkward, but I promise you that it’s worth it.

Conclusion

There are so many different levels of emotional insecurity, from hiding a wart on your hand to feeling like you’re not good enough (I have experienced both).

To take a chance on being awkwardly vulnerable is such a brave thing to do.  Whether it’s through action like “wearing shorts and exposing some varicose veins” or verbally talking with someone about your feelings, it can bring you a sense of freedom that you’ve never felt before.

In my opinion, it’s one of the best things you could ever do for yourself!

Just remember, it’s something to be careful of when you first start; if done in the wrong company, it could backfire and leave you feeling even more insecure and bad about yourself.  I actually suggest doing some work first to get in a place of self-love and acceptance so that WHILE you’re being vulnerable, you can be telling yourself that you love you.

For me, I’m in a place where it’s almost like a high every time I expose an insecurity of mine.  It’s like I get a boost in loving and accepting myself each time I do so. 

And lest you think it’s just something I can write about and then hide behind, I’ll tell you that I absolutely will stand face to face and say the same things.  Only because I have been on this road for so long, and have had enough practice being vulnerable and have exercised lots of self-love that it doesn’t make me nervous to think what others will think of me anymore. 

Instead I’m thrilled at any chance of being vulnerable in person because I feel like that’s a great opportunity to help others.  So bring it up to me anytime!  Ask me about my childhood warts!  Haha.  Or more seriously, ask me details on some of the emotional issues I’ve talked about…

I hope you know I love you and always wish the best for you.

Kayleen

SDG

If the thought of being vulnerable makes you a little uneasy, read Stop Telling Yourself You’re Good Enough for a little help in getting started to heal without having to talk to anyone.

You may also find some healing tips in 27 Simple Ways to Rejuvenate Yourself.

Also, if you haven’t already joined my email club, make sure to subscribe on the home page!