What does it mean to “show up” for yourself?  How do you show up for yourself?  And why is it important to show up for yourself?  These are some questions that I have asked once upon a time, and I am excited to share with you what I’ve learned!

What Does It Mean To Show Up For Yourself?

My answer may surprise you… For all intents and purposes of this post, I am going say what it literally means to “show up” for yourself.  Not what it means to “show up and complete the task” for yourself.

When you show up for yourself, you are “present and ready” to participate in whatever it is that you’re showing up for.  When you show up to a class, it means that you have walked in the door and sat in your seat.  That’s it.  You showed up.

Now let’s go over 5 tips that will help you do just that!

1.  Realize That Showing Up Is The Hardest Part.

Some years ago, I had a reoccurring dream that left me feeling super frustrated with myself.

Here’s a little background information before I tell you the dream:

I have always loved math.  Math has been the only subject all through my schooling that I have never struggled with.  I remember sitting with my mom at my parent-teacher conference in fifth grade and my teacher (Mr. Allen –who was my favorite ever!) showed us my test scores.  I was very surprised to see so many C’s and D’s, and even though I didn’t really know what they meant, I understood that they were not good.

But THEN, he highlighted a beautiful A+!!  And talked all about how well I was doing in math!  I left that day feeling like a star; I didn’t give a second thought to all the other subjects of concern, I was too consumed with beaming over my “genius math brain”.

As I got older, I realized why I loved math so much.  It was as simple as “understanding the concept”.  Aside from the occasional formula that needed to be remembered for a test, there was nothing to memorize!

As opposed to science with so many definitions, and history with all the dates!  Not to mention English with all the rules that changed over the years.  (I first learned never to start a sentence with “and/but/or”, then I got to college and it was suddenly ok!)

To drive the point in of what a math-geek I was, I’ll admit that I had a little fling with my calculator.  I loved it like teenagers love their cell phones.  I loved all the fancy calculations I could complete with it.  I loved the math tests that only had 1 or 2 problems per page because there was so much to write and figure out.  And I really, really, reeeeeally liked my trusty #2 pencil.

Ok, enough about that, here’s the dream:

Depending on the night, there were different details of the dream, but the main idea was always that I was signed up for a math class, and for some unknown reason did not attend class the first day.  “No biggie” I would think “it’s just the first day, I didn’t miss much”.

Then I would miss the second day.  “Oh well, it’s not a problem.”

Then I missed several days, but was still confident that I could catch up.

There was no certain reason why I was missing class, but I felt that I COULD have gone, I was just off doing other things.  I continued to miss class until it was time to take the final exam, and I knew nothing!

I held my head in frustration as I asked myself WHY!  “Why had I not gone to class?!”  It would have been EASY for me to learn everything, if I would have just shown up!  But now too much time had gone by, and I knew I couldn’t catch up anymore.

I woke up each time feeling miserably frustrated and doomed, and then a huge sense of relief as I regained full consciousness realizing it was just a dream.

But in a way, it was not just a dream.  I know it was no coincidence!  I don’t remember how many times I had that dream, but once I realized the message and how it applies to me today, I haven’t dreamt it since.

I saw how, in my everyday life, I was not showing up for myself.  The things that I wanted to do were EASY, but I was not putting myself in a place to be present and ready to do them.  Just like in my dream, there was no specific reason why I wasn’t showing up, I was just doing other random things…

I am confident that for the most part, “showing up” really is the hardest part.  When you think about the very first step to anything (getting yourself in a position to act), and then think about the action to take place, wouldn’t you agree that once you’re ready to act, the action just falls into place –almost without any further thought?

Let’s look at some examples:

Desired action:  You want to eat healthier.  Showing up would be taking the pan out of the cupboard.  Once you do that, you’re set and ready to prepare a healthy meal for yourself.  The hardest moment is taking out the pan, and resisting reaching for a bowl –which for me would lead to cold cereal.

Desired action:  You want to exercise regularly.  Showing up would be putting on your tennis shoes.  Once your shoes are on, you’re in a position to easily take the following actions.  The hardest part is the shoes, and resisting flopping on the couch.

Desired action:  You want to read more.  Showing up would be picking up the book.  Once the book is in your hands, you are ready to read it!  Reading is easy, but making the time for it can be a challenge, hence picking up a book is the hardest part.

I do acknowledge that there are some actions that are harder than the showing up part, just like there are some classes that I have shown up to, and really struggled to learn the information.  We can dive deeper into that on another post.

2.  Solely Focus On Showing Up -And Make It Enjoyable!

Since showing up is usually the hardest part, what if we made it a little easier by making it desirable?  If you attach a reward to an undesirable action, (if the reward is enticing enough) you will find yourself WANTING to show up!

8 hours of sleep is just as imperative as eating healthy and exercising.  I have been found to put the kids to bed and then get a second wind, inviting me to stay up late and party (or scroll facebook!).  If getting to sleep at a decent hour is difficult for you, define what it means to show up for bedtime, and attach a reward!

This is where your creativity comes in to play because it can be anything, as long as it’s exciting/motivating.

First, let’s make sure we’re on the same page as what showing up for bedtime means.  It will be different for me than for you.  For me, when I show up to go to sleep, I am literally climbing into my bed, haha.  I could make a point that taking the decorative pillows off my bed is what starts the process, but I have been found getting sucked into my phone after that point, so it would depend on the night.  Maybe showing up for you starts as early as brushing your teeth.

I personally have too many distractions at night to solidly say anything earlier than crawling into bed.  You want to find the sweet spot where once you “do it”, there are no other decisions to be made, and all other actions just happen naturally (like, once you’re sitting in class, the learning just happens)

Once you have pinpointed where and how you show up, its time for the fun part!  Find a reward that you can’t resist!

Honestly, this was hard for me… since I am a grown adult, if there is something I want to do, I usually just do it.  I tried linking chocolate as a reward, but I secretly knew that I can have chocolate anytime I want, so it wasn’t super motivating.  I also tried using a privilege as a reward like giving myself screen time, or reading time… but again, unsuccessful for the same reason.  Perhaps it would work for you though!

What I did find to work (this was for getting UP in the morning), was to immediately watch an episode of Studio C.  I had to find the episode the night before, so there was minimal action in the morning.  When my alarm went off, I would roll out of bed, push play, and enjoy waking up to a 3-4 minute comedy skit.  When I found the episode that I was to watch in the morning, I was excited to watch it, which made “showing up for the day” (rolling out of bed) soooooo much easier!

Other ideas that might work could be earning points for yourself, and after so many points you get to go to lunch with the girls, or buy yourself something you want. 

Or, give someone who knows you well $20 to go buy 5-10 little presents for you, and wrap them.  After a week or so of showing up, you get to open one!

Think of something that you love, that you don’t get to have or experience very often, and then tie it in as a reward for showing up!

3.  When You Show Up, Call It A Win No Matter What Follows.

The thing about showing up, is that it keeps the momentum rolling.  If you generally like to do yoga/walk/run/etc. for 30 minutes, but you don’t have time for it one day, you can still just “show up”, (which keeps that initial habit in place), and even if that’s all you do for the day, then you have succeeded!

If showing up for yoga means rolling out your mat on the living room floor, then just roll out your mat, tell yourself “good job!”, then roll it back up and go on with your day. 

If showing up for walking means you put your shoes on, then just do that, and then take them right back off if you need to, and think successful thoughts!

“What’s the point?” you ask…  There are a couple reasons for this; A- as I said earlier, it keeps the momentum going, and B- it increases the likelihood that you actually *might* do something more!

Think about it, if you’re really tired and do NOT want to plan or prep your meals at the time you normally would, instead of just skipping it altogether, just tell yourself that you can at least get your notebook out (or whatever the first step is).  Once you have your notebook, you might just find yourself opening it up and planning your meals!  Even if you just planned one meal, that’s better than nothing!  And most importantly, you showed up –you were present and available to do the next action, in case you so happened to get a sudden urge to do it.

Think of it as showing up to your class, just to inform the teacher that you won’t be able to attend that day.  You might give the news and head right back out the door, or…… you might look around and change your mind to stay a while.

4.  Secure Your Success With Visualization.

Sorry for the creepy eyeball…

So much can be said here, that I have an entire post about it!  But to sum it up, the more you can “see” yourself showing up, the more likely you are going to do it.

Think about it… if, before you get out of bed, you imagine yourself walking to the kitchen and taking out a pan from the cupboard, you’re more likely to follow through with that idea, and in the end, enjoy a nice hot breakfast rather than a bowl of cold cereal.

You don’t have to take 5 minutes, sitting with your eyes closed to do this.  You can be enjoying your lunch while you envision yourself putting your plate directly into the dishwasher when you’re done.

You can be making dinner and imagining yourself going to bed at a certain time that night.

Obviously, the more details you picture, the deeper it will seep in, and therefore increase your likelihood of success.  Whether you choose to take more time and put conscience effort into it, or just casually imagine it as you do other things, I’m sure you will appreciate this little trick!

5.  Foster An Active Relationship With Your Goals.

Think of a few people in your life who you love and talk to daily or weekly.  Now think of some who you technically have a relationship with, but you only see or talk to once a year or less.

If something exciting happens in your life, which group of people are you likely to tell about it?  If you need help with something, which crowd are you going to ask?  Clearly the first set!

But hold up…  Let’s talk about the relationship you have with your goals.

When you make a goal, don’t just set the goal and do it for as long as it lasts until it wears off.  Revisit your goals!  Keep a relationship with them!  Remind yourself constantly of why you made them in the first place!  Whether you check in with them daily, weekly, or even monthly; keep them alive, and they will be there for you when you really need them on harder days!

Just like a marriage that you would never expect to work out if the 2 parties never talked to each other, how can you really expect goals to work out if you never “visit” with them?

Why Is It Important To Show Up For Yourself?

So, we know what it means and how to show up for ourselves… but why does it even matter?  What is the big deal.

I will tell you –You are the big deal!  You matter!  It is all for you!!  Taking care of yourself (your body, your mind, and your soul) is so fulfilling and rewarding.  Am I perfect at it?  Absolutely not.  Have I experienced cloud 9 after filling my cup and had SO much to give to my family?  YES!!

I know that you are human, and humans make mistakes.  So I’m certain that you will make many mistakes along with me in regards to showing up, and that’s ok!  Unlike my dream in which I felt doomed, we need not feel hopelessness because we can always start again.  All is not lost.

But the sooner you get on board, the quicker you’ll reap the benefits!  I know that showing up for yourself is powerful.  The first step always is.

Who wants to have a one-way conversation?  Not me!  Let’s talk more in the comments!  I would love to hear your thoughts!

Always wishing the best for you,

Kayleen

SDG