The Law of Control states that we feel good about ourselves to the exact degree to which we feel we are in control of our own life.  And that we feel bad about ourselves to the exact degree to which we feel controlled.  That’s a pretty bold claim, so let’s take a deeper look at why this is true, and what you can do about it.

Controlling your own life means that you are the sole person making decisions for yourself.  You can receive all the advice you want from others, but when it comes time to make a choice, YOU are the one in charge.  This is a fact for you, me, and everyone.  It is the very plan that we fought for in heaven, and how Heavenly Father intended it to be.

To feel like you are not in control of your own life is going against everything you were created for, thus it would only make sense that you would not feel very good about yourself.

The key word is “feel”.  It is possible to FEEL like you’re not in control of you own life, but it’s impossible to actually NOT be in control.  Even if someone coerces you to do something, all they did was “strongly convince” you to make the choice.

Even the youngest child can choose whether or not they obey their parents.  I tell my kids all the time that they don’t have to do the things I ask them to… it’s their choice… (of course they don’t get to choose the consequences), but I want them to know and feel like they are in control, and when they obey it’s because they choose to.

When you realize that you are in FULL control of your own life, you can stop being a backseat driver, and actually move up to the driver’s seat! And once you’re there, hands on the wheel, TAKING your God-given right to be in control, you….. Become….. FREEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

Satan would obviously have us believe otherwise.  Of course he wants us to feel trapped and controlled.  He does not want us to be happy, therefore he does not want us to know that we always, Always, ALWAYS have a choice!!  No matter the circumstance or situation, your agency is so powerful that if it is used wisely, it can change your life.  Yes –it can truly change your whole life as you know it!

Agency.  The freedom to choose.  Controlling your own life.  Call it what you want, it’s all the same and it’s such a big deal, it’s what this entire blogsite is based on!

Every post is a different idea or perspective on controlling your own life.  You may have wondered what “Dreams and Goals”, “Soul Talk”, and “Self-Care” have to do with each other.  I admit that they seem like they are three separate niches, but I assure you, they are all very important to consider if you want complete control over your own life.

Let’s break it down…

Dreams and Goals:  Gives you control over the physical aspect of your life –meaning the things you do, experience, achieve, learn, etc.

Not having any goals is passively deciding not to do the things you want.  Likewise, you can set goals all you want, but if they are not goals that YOU WANT to set, what good are they doing you?  Goals that you feel like you should make (but don’t necessarily want to make) are holding you back from reaching your dreams.  Dreams are the dessert of life, and when you feel like you have a chance at achieving one, it’s like believing in Santa Clause all over again.  Your life becomes filled with magic and you are free to fly!  This section will give you everything you need to know to achieve your smallest goals and highest dreams!

Soul Talk:  Gives you control over your mind.

This is where we can get into the nitty gritty corners of our perspectives, opinions, feelings, and thoughts.  Sometimes all you need is a paradigm shift, and other times you need new or clarified information.  But once you have the understanding that you are always in control and acquire the tools to know how to use that control, you will be able to choose more intently the course you want to take and the mindset you want to have.  This is probably the most impactful place of control that will change your life (and my personal favorite area of discussion).  This goes deeper than achieving any dream.  This is the essence of your whole existence –this is bringing awareness to who you truly are, by diving into your conscious and subconscious, your heart and mind, and into your very soul.

Self-Care:  Gives you control over your emotions.

Self-care is an essential aspect of controlling your life.  When you take care of yourself properly, you put yourself in a position to ACT instead of react.  In other words, you’ll have the bandwidth to choose how you’d like to respond to any stimulus, rather than say or do the first thing that pops in your head.  If your cup is full, when hard things happen, you will be able to steer yourself in a direction that is most helpful.  Taking care of yourself is the Cadillac drive… things just go so much smoother, and the ride is much more enjoyable.

I love this topic and am very passionate about how life changing it is.  And I’ll be honest, I don’t have any formal education or training on this matter.  I’m writing from my heart and praying for inspiration along the way.  If there is anything I have said so far, or happen to say in the future that does not align with facts you know to be true, please tell me!

That said, I have been a lifelong learner, and I love to read and ponder.  I have gained so much knowledge from a variety of self-help books and articles.  And the experiences I’ve had have taught me more than any school teacher could ever hope to teach a student.

There is still so much for me to learn, but at this point, I can say with a surety that, I absolutely know that making a deliberate choice (while understanding the consequences of that choice) is incredibly empowering!  It is the ultimate freedom!  It is the freedom that you and I fought for in heaven.

I once had a moment with Tyler in which I became quite upset (but only once, haha).  After a “slightly heated” discussion, he had to leave, and as he was walking away, I muttered to myself between clenched teeth “I am choosing to stay married to you right now!”

It actually felt so freeing to realize in a moment of anger that I love that man enough to choose him, even when he does things that I don’t like.  And surprisingly, I calmed down quicker than my usual “sit and stew on it for the next 20 minutes”.

When I was able to see that I am in control of my life, I felt good –No, I don’t get to choose the consequences of my choices, and I don’t get to choose what other people do, but taking ownership in MY CHOICE gave me so much power, validation, and freedom!

Taking it down a scale, let’s talk about a child’s desire for control.  Every parenting book or article that I’ve read (and I have read a TON) has supported the idea for parents to give their children as much control as possible.  For example, your child can’t control whether they brush their teeth or not, but it would be perfectly acceptable for them to control when they do it… before or after going potty, for example.  And unfortunately for any parent, they can also control HOW they do it… “happily or unhappily” (yes, we have pinned our toddlers down to complete the task –not my favorite parenting moment).

Power struggles with children happen because both parties want control.  It feels good to be in control (ask anyone holding the remote!).  Sometimes it feels so good that we might have a desire to control what other people do, (and being a parent, it is sooooo hard not to try to control what my child eats!) but that kind of control does not bring joy.

Finding, having, taking, accepting, and desiring control over ourselves brings joy!  And the more we gain control of our own lives, the less we feel the impulse or desire to control others.

May I say that again…?

The more we gain control of our own lives, the less we feel the impulse or desire to control others!

In any relationship that is struggling, it would be common for one party to say “if he would just do this… then things would be better” or “if she would only stop doing that… then everything would be fine” (raising my hand because I have thought those things!)

What we rarely hear is “If I just start doing this… that would fix everything”.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to control other people because it seems so simple to ask other people to change, yet when we think about changing OUR ways, (if you’re anything like me) that’s the last thing we want to do.

But trying to change or control other people will only lead to frustration.  Sure, others might go along with it for a while, but eventually they will exert their agency, and often times it’s like a volcano erupting years of pent up emotions.  No one wants to feel controlled and they can build up a lot of resentment against someone who they feel is taking their control (again, key word here:  feel).

Furthermore, trying to control others is Satan’s plan; it’s not God’s way, therefore it’s not a happy way of life.  Taking your own wheel, and letting others take theirs is the key to your happiness and freedom.

If you CHOOSE (haha, get it?) to stay with me on this journey, I can guarantee you that your life will be lifted up.  (We began this post with quite a bold statement, so why not end it with one as well?)

I know that the insights, knowledge, and experiences I have to share are valuable, beneficial, and worthwhile!  I do not say that to boast of myself, but with grace and humility declare the goodness of God in guiding my path and giving me so much.  It is because of the love and gratitude I feel unto Him for blessing me so greatly, that I want to share EVERYTHING I have with you –holding nothing back!

I cannot promise that every single post will change your life, but the accumulative thoughts and information shared over time will unquestionably do the trick.

Because I love you –as I cherish all human beings, and because I know you deserve JOY and freedom, I do hope that you come with me and experience for yourself what it’s like to really LIVE!

To get the most out of what I have to offer, I also strongly encourage you to ask questions and give your input along the way.  I always learn SO much more in an active conversation and would love to engage with you.  Email me in private, or comment on the blog or any social media page –which ever service floats your boat!  And if you happen to know me in person, let’s chat over lunch sometime!!

I love and value you!

Kayleen

SDG