Do you struggle to keep a clean house?  Do you wonder how other people manage to do it?  Do you ever feel like you’re the only one who has a hard time with it?

Stay tuned as I tell you ALL about my messy house over the years, and the feelings I’ve had through it all…  I believe you will find yourself in some of these situations, and I hope you know you are not alone.

Disclaimer:  If you are able to keep your sanity and a clean house at the same time, this post is not for you.  However, you might enjoy some insight as to why anyone else struggles with it.  Or you may find pleasure in hearing some actual stories of MY messy house.  Just don’t tell my past self that I posted them for the whole world to read, she would definitely not approve!

Does just the thought of a sparkling clean house make you smile and take in a fresh breath?  It does me!

A clean house to me is like a cup of coffee to my girlfriends!  It gets me excited to get up and get going. 

I feel fresh and free to do anything when my house is clean!  I get this strange feeling inside that makes me want to cook up a fancy dinner for my family –a rare occurrence in my case. 

My family can attest to the many times when all I have requested for my birthday or Mother’s Day was a clean house.  Because when my house is clean, I just feel free!

I love it, I love it, I LOVE IT!!

All that said, guess how often my house is clean… like, pristine clean the way I like it… maybe one week a year, two to three if I’m lucky.

Why is it so hard for me to keep a clean house??  Well for one thing, I believe my standards are a little too high.  

Wanting my house to be immaculate every second of every day is like asking for perfect weather (80 degrees and sunny in my opinion) every day of the year. 

Storms will come, it’s inevitable; heat waves will happen, they’re unavoidable.  When you live with other people, especially youngsters, there are going to be signs of life around!  And as much as I would have my place constantly looking like an Airbnb when you first arrive, that’s just not going to happen.

Well, I know that it COULD happen if I wanted to spend every second of the day picking up after everyone.  If you have ever sold a house, you know what it’s like to try to keep a show-ready home at all times.  

When we sold our house, we would have less than an hours’ notice for a showing sometimes, so I had to make sure I was ready with a clean home at the drop of a hat. 

I remember obsessing over every little thing left out, and would immediately put it away (and with 3 small children, there were a lot of little things!)  

It flat out stunk living like that, I felt like a boy scout in a parade –following right behind the horses, scooping up their crud all day.  And as much as I LOVED the clean home it gave me, I was too exhausted to enjoy it or feel free in it.

In the years prior to moving, I used to clean mostly every day (even though you would never know it by walking into my house).  When I had my 3 littles at home, I was constantly cleaning the house. 

This room or that room, maybe the bathroom… the entire house was never clean all at once, I would just rotate around to which ever room needed attention the most.  

My main priorities on any given day were:

            #1 – Keep my children alive and happy.

            And

            #2 – CLEAN something!!!

And one day, after living in a messy home for a while (despite my best efforts to keep it cleaned), I realized that I was literally cleaning my life away –with nothing to even show for it! 

Clean, clean, clean!  

I finally thought to myself “why even clean at all?”  I figured that if my house was going to be messy either way, I may as well take a break and enjoy myself each day.  

This was not a good idea.  Do not do it! 

I lost all my cleaning habits, and instead of living in a mostly messy home, things got disastrous.  Fast.  

My new habits molded into the following:

• When the house is a disaster (hurricane after-math style), send Tyler and the kids away while I speed clean for 2 days!
• The house is then clean enough for a realtor showing, and I am feeling fantastically FREE!
• Everything stays looking great for the first couple days, but by the end of the week, we’re in need of a good tidy.  But because we’re all tired, we just end up doing a half-hearted tidy.
• Things continue to go downhill until we have a decently “messy” house, which is where we spend most of our time living.  In this stage, a random room will get cleaned really well every now and then, and then it gets messy again within a few days and stays that way until we clean it about 2-4 weeks later.
• But at some point, random rooms stop getting cleaned (usually when I get sick, or become busy with something), and before I know it, our house looks like a tornado swept through it again.  We might live in the wreck anywhere from a few weeks to a few months before it’s time to restart the cycle and send Tyler away with the kids…

Needless to say, this way does not serve me, and I have been wanting a change.

A friend recently recommended the book “The Lazy Genius Way” by Kendra Adachi.  And I loved it because she normalized my behavior (which always feels good, right?).

I had originally been trying to be a “genius”, meaning I was trying to keep a clean house by cleaning all the time in whichever room needed it the most.  But I was not having success because by the time I worked my way to other areas, the first room was back to a disaster.

I was overworking myself, so I gave up and became what she lovingly calls “lazy”.  Which is when you stop caring or trying.

The end goal is to mix the two and become a “Lazy Genius”!  And that’s the objective of this post!  It’s all about finding that happy medium of keeping a clean house.

This is going to look different for me than for you.

The theme of The Lazy Genius Way is “embrace what matters, ditch what doesn’t”.

Does it really matter to YOU if you or your kids pull clean clothes from the laundry basket rather than the closet?  If so, hang your clothes.  If not, then stop telling yourself you “should” put them away, and just make it your new system for laundry.

Would it matter to you that there are crumbs on your floor if you couldn’t feel them on your bare feet?  No?  Then just wear shoes or slippers!  Problem solved!

Do the stacks of paper and clutter keep you in an “organized mess” and help you find what you need?  If yes, then don’t worry about telling yourself you “should” put it all away.

If these things and more don’t matter to YOU, then ditch the thought of having to keep a certain standard in order to please those voices in your head.

If these or other things DO matter to you, then take action.

I have complained to myself over the years because I’ve felt that I’m the only one who cares whether our house is clean or not.

And thinking that it’s all up to me to get the house clean (even if I enlist helpers, it’s still up to me to get them going), has left me feeling alone, discouraged, and frustrated.

But I realize now that the rest of my family doesn’t have to care whether the house is clean or not.  They don’t have to want the same things I want.

If I am the one who cares the most, then it truly makes sense that I would have the biggest load.

I am going to take this new perspective and run with it!  Are you coming with me?

Instead of wishing, hoping, and expecting others to care in the same way I do, I will simply expect them to NOT care.  And I will set things up in a way that supports the fact that they don’t care.

This puts me in a position of power because now I can take full responsibility for the state of my home without having any unrealistic expectations.

I will no longer hope that someone will pick up their shoes and put them in their basket without being asked.  If I want their shoes put away, I can look at my options:

• Do it myself (easiest choice in the moment, but makes for more work in the long run)
• Ask them to do it (annoying to have to go seek them out, but hopefully will encourage them to do it on their own the next time)
• Do nothing, and live with the consequence of stepping over them (and then choose to either murmur every time, or keep a smile on my face since I like to be happy)

This puts me in the driver’s seat.  Whichever option I choose, I know that I consciously made the choice and can feel good about the situation.

I have been through the wringer when it comes to all the feelings and situations about having a clean house, and I think it all comes down to the fact that I did not have the best perspective toward it.

Taking ownership in your own choices will always be the greatest outlook to have in any situation.  What I mean by that is,

• Fully understand that you always have a choice.
• Make the best choice you can with the knowledge and understanding you have at the time.
• Take responsibility by accepting the natural consequence of your choice.
• Evaluate your consequence and make a different choice if necessary.

Instead of sitting around waiting for other people to step up the way you wish they would, it can feel much less frustrating to see the truth that not everyone wants the same things you do, and that’s ok!

How empowering is it to know that if you want a clean house, you can have it if you take charge and make it happen?!

Just like any other dream you have in life, the dream of living in a clean house can come true but it will not come without effort.  And you might be the only one working for it.

I have weaved this in, but I want to make sure I am being VERY clear:

Being the “only one working for a clean house” does NOT mean you are the only one cleaning.  It just means that you are the “project manager”.

I don’t think it would be a very empowering thought to think that “if I want a clean house, all I have to do is pick up after everyone 100% of the time!”

But knowing and accepting that you are the project manager, you can assign jobs to all your helpers, and perhaps link those chores to something that THEY really care about, so that they will be more inclined to willingly help you with what YOU care about.

One might hope that a spouse would be a co-project manager, but I’m not getting into relationship stuff on this post!  That’s a whole other rabbit hole to go down with the help of a professional!  So for all intents and purposes, let’s just keep the focus on US, and what WE can do to achieve what WE want.

As with anything, I realize that this is easier said than done.  It’s truly a job in and of itself just to follow up with a bunch of children, making sure they’ve completed their “household contributions”.

You just need to ask yourself how much you want a clean house, and realize that the ball is in your court.  You can have it if you want it.  You know the price… are you willing to pay it?

Setting up some accountability can help you stick to it!  Read this post for some ideas!

If you don’t really care, then just admit that and tell yourself the truth when company comes over and see’s your mess.  You don’t need to apologize to anyone (I actually suggest you try not to), and if you feel awkward or embarrassed, just remind yourself that YOU don’t mind the mess, and it’s not anyone else’s problem to worry about it.

Honestly, I don’t think anyone cares when other people’s houses are messy, and if anything, it can help them know that they’re not the only ones with clutter around.

And here’s some food for thought:

“It’s always as clean or dirty as you’re ok with it being”.

Whoosh!  Mind… blown…!

But really, sometimes I wish I didn’t have as good of coping skills as I have.  Even though it frustrates me when things get out of hand, I am able to breathe and move on.

Truly a great skill to have, but it has kept me stepping over toys for longer than I’d actually like, instead of picking them up.

The tornado style mess is the point in which I am no longer ok with, as my actions have shown that that’s the time when I finally take care of things.

So it’s definitely going to take some discipline to keep up on things the way I WANT to, rather than let them go as long as I can “handle”.  And you can bet that I’m going to get my accountabilibuddy involved!

I will end with the reminder that YOU get to choose how messy or clean your home is.  Do not worry or focus your energy on what you think other people will think.  It’s all in your head, but should anyone actually voice their disapproval, please remember that it’s still just their opinion and it has nothing to do with you.

Love yourself amongst the mess no matter what!  Self-love affirmations are a must as well!

So there you have it!  I don’t know if this was actually helpful for you or if you were just entertained at the thought of my disastrous home.

Either way, thanks for reading!

You know you’re my favorite!  And I wish you the best!

Kayleen

SDG

If you’re in the cleaning spirit, take a look at my one-job-a-day chart here!  (Scroll down to #3!)

Remember how important it is to take care of yourself!  Check out 27 Simple Ways to Rejuvenate Yourself for some ideas!