The more tools you have when navigating life, the smoother the process will be when dealing with hard times.  Here are 3 very useful tools to keep yourself up, when life starts to get you down.

Your life is a garden… ever growing and changing.  Bountiful and beautiful!  And like every single garden in the world, there are always weeds continually trying to make their way in…

What are these figurative weeds, you ask?

Negative thoughts!

Everyone has them, from thinking unkind thoughts toward someone else to telling yourself that you’re not good enough.  It’s normal and natural, and just as you would like your garden to NEVER grow weeds again, we all know that weeds are going to come.

So not IF, but WHEN those negative thoughts pay you a visit, it is very convenient to have some knowledge about how to get rid of them –root and all!

So get out your blow torch, weeding tools, and organic sprays!  I’m giving you 3 ideas for you to arm yourself with when you have a thought pop in your head that you don’t want to keep.

1.  Know how to choose your thoughts

It’s amazing how much choice we have in what we do with each thought that comes to our minds.

If you have not read my previous post titled “How to Get the Results You Want”, I suggest you read it now.  Since it goes into detail on choosing your thoughts, I will just say a few more pointers here.

• Because everyone has their own side of the story, then everyone is right. Right?  So when you have a thought that tells you that someone is in the wrong, just remind yourself that they have a different point of view worth looking into.

Remember that everyone is loveable; try to see that part of them!

• In times of stress, allow yourself some relief.

Ask yourself if it’s a situation that won’t really matter in the long run, and if it is, take a breath, sit back, and chill.

Take note that you don’t always have to do your BEST at everything you do.  Read A Note to the Perfectionist for more details.

• Humor does wonders! Have you ever sarcastically laughed at how FUNNY it is that you’re in a traffic jam when you were already running late?

Try it sometime!  No, it’s not actually funny, but faking a belly laugh is much more fun than grumbling  and tensing up!

Again, read the post on choosing your thoughts if you haven’t already!  That’s where the meat and  potatoes are for this one!

Now, I’ve been around the block a time or two to know that there can sometimes be more to changing than just choosing different thoughts.

I have learned from experience that there are some thoughts that can just stick in our minds no matter what we try to tell ourselves.  I believe it’s because they are much more deep seeded.  This is where the next two tools come in handy to pair with this.

2.  Always have an affirmation on hand

In my opinion, a good affirmation is something that you actually believe!  I know that there is power in repeatedly saying something until you believe it, and if that works for you then go for it!

For me, the affirmations that have changed my thoughts were sayings that I resonated with in my head, but my feelings didn’t match up.

In this post I tell the story of when I used the affirmation “I love God and I trust His plan” to help me out of a traumatic situation.  That statement was 100% true for me, but I had to repeat it multiple times over the course of a few months for it to really sink in and allow my feelings to catch up and relax.

Another one is “I’m equal”.  This is such a great affirmation to have on hand for all those many times when you start to think or feel like you’re not good enough, or that other people are better than you.  Tell yourself that you are equal to them.

That goes hand-in-hand with “I love and accept you (your name)”.  These two affirmations have largely assisted my transformation.

To truly love and accept yourself AS YOU ARE, and really FEEL that you are equal to everyone around you is…… peace, beauty, and love.

“I’m equal” is also helpful when you’re thinking negative thoughts about someone else.  Remember that no one is below you and you are not better than anyone.

3.  Not-Nots

Another tactic that can do wonders is to try to confuse your brain, haha!

This is something that I learned from Lori, my life coach.

Let’s take a hypothetical situation, (one that was definitely not mine, haha), and say that in your head you believe that you can achieve your dreams, but deep inside, your feelings are telling you otherwise. 

First, find the new thought that you want to have and turn it into an affirmation.  Let’s say you go with “I can have my dreams”.

Now take that affirmation and “not-not” it!  What’s a not-not?  It goes like this:

I can have my dreams.

I cannot have my dreams.

I cannot not have my dreams.

I cannot not not have my dreams.

I cannot not not not have my dreams.

I cannot not not not not have my dreams.

I cannot not not not not not have my dreams.

Did you notice that each new line added another “not”, starting with zero “not’s” and going up to six?

This is taking that sentence, and mixing it up so much that with all the double and triple negatives, your brain can’t keep it straight, so you don’t even know what you’re saying anymore.  Which is supposed to “reset” your brain so to speak.

I like to end with an even number of “nots” so that I finish with a positive message, and then I restate the original affirmation –”I CAN HAVE MY DREAMS!”

Ok, I’ll admit, that was me!  And the not-not’s worked for me!

I didn’t just say them once or twice, I actually did them every time I was at a red light (plus in the evening before I went to bed).

Pairing them with the positive affirmation of “I can have my dreams”, and consciously trying to place that thought in my mind was the whole picture that worked for me.  Of course I was also praying for help because I love God and I know He loves me and that He wants to help me on my journey.  When I put all that together, I was able to finally change my deepest thoughts and feelings, which used to be that I didn’t believe I could break out of my little bubble of being a “small, unseen, and unimportant” person.

I still get an old weed pop up every now and then, telling me that I can’t achieve my dreams, but I know exactly how to pluck it out and nurture the new seeds I’ve planted.

Conclusion

Remember that negative thoughts come to everyone; no one is immune.

We each have a choice on whether we entertain them or dismiss them.

It takes some learning to be able to notice them and get rid of them, so be patient with yourself as you’re getting the hang of it.

Time and repetition are key.

If you have a specific situation or thought that you’d like some help dissecting, feel free to shoot me an email and I can try to help you work through it!  I also have some great referrals for professional help if you’d like.

What else would you add to this emotional tool kit?  Do you have any tips or tricks that you wouldn’t mind sharing with me?  Drop them in the comments!  I’m all for new ideas!

Love you, and wish you the best!

Kayleen

SDG

I am so grateful for all the referrals you’ve given to your friends, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Speaking of our thoughts… have you ever stopped to think of the fact that you actually don’t have any control in life?