Habit 6 is Synergize!  Did you know that 1+1 can equal 3?

I hope you’ve been enjoying this 7 Habits series!  If you happened to miss the introduction, you can find it here. 

This is the last habit in the Public Victory section, or in other words, the relationship department.  One aspect of having healthy relationships means handling differences well.

“The world is fast becoming a great melting pot of cultures, races, religions, and ideas.  Since this diversity around you is ever increasing, you’ve got an important decision to make regarding how you’re going to handle it.  There are three possible approaches you can take:”

• 1- Shun diversity
• 2- Tolerate diversity
• 3- Celebrate diversity

If you live with at least one other person, think of the diversity that lives under your own roof!  Everyone comes from different backgrounds and has their own ideas and opinions.

So no matter what form of diversity you’re dealing with –on a large global scale or within your own home and circle of friends, this habit has the potential to change you in ways you never thought possible!

While expounding on these 3 approaches, I am going to walk you through the phases that I went through in regards to some differences in a certain situation between my husband and I.

To summarize the situation, let’s just say that I like to save money, and Tyler likes to spend money.  You might have some opinions about which one is better or worse, and I want to say that neither one is better, they both just are.

First the Shunner:

I used to get so mad when Tyler would spend excess money.  I thought he shouldn’t order things online.  I believed he should want to save up for a rainy day.  I wanted him to be on my same page.  There was nothing about this difference that I thought was good, and I wondered if I was doomed for life.

Such is the life of the Shunner.  Anyone who is different than them is wrong.

Next the Tolerator:

At some point, I learned to just deal with the fact that we are different.  I didn’t get mad anymore, but I was far from thinking his spending was a good thing.  (Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not like he was a shopaholic, he just didn’t have the same desire to SAVE as I did.)

I came up with a budget that allowed for him to have some “spending” and me to have some “saving”, and I called it good.  He can do his thing, and I’ll do mine.

The Tolerator is ok with diversity, but they’d like to keep separate lives and not get mixed in with those who are different.

Last the best of all the game, the Celebrator:

My world turned a 180 when I chose to see our differences as wonderful!  Tyler is the leader of fun and excitement around here!  (Hey, I like to have fun too, I just mostly suggest “free fun”, haha).

Every trip to the arcades, trampoline park, movie theatre, hotel, restaurant, etc. has all been so fun for our family!  And I can’t tell you how many times I used to get annoyed when he suggested an activity that costs money.

But then I realized that if it were up to me, we would never do any of that stuff because “I’d rather save our money”. 

AND I appreciated the fact that if I weren’t around to reign Tyler in sometimes, we would probably have NO money!  Haha.

I CELEBRATED when I realized that our differences compliment each other! 

This did wonders for our relationship (RBA)! 

I started to appreciate all the fun activities that he led our family to do, and I believe that he also found appreciation for me on the times I would counter and say “how about we pop popcorn and watch a movie at home tonight.”

The Celebrator knows that diversity is what brings more flavor to life.

One way of thinking about diversity is to realize that each single person is a minority.  No one is cloned (yet), therefore each person can be singled out as “different”. 

From the way you look, to everything in your brain, you cannot actually be grouped into a profile of “everyone who is just like you” –you would be the only one in that group!

I will call out the elephant in the room and say that, sure, we could group people together based on income, religion, race, and more, but those groupings tell us only ONE THING of each individual.

And remember, no matter what we think we know about someone, we never know everything.

The following poem illustrates what happens when you have prejudgments toward others.

The Cold Within

Six humans trapped by happenstance in bleak and bitter cold.
Each one possessed a stick of wood or so the story’s told.

Their dying fire in need of logs the first man held his back,
For of the faces round the fire he noticed one was black.

The next man looking ‘cross the way saw one not of his church,
And couldn’t bring himself to give the fire his stick of birch.

The third one sat in tattered clothes.  He gave his coat a hitch.
Why should his log be put to use to warm the idle rich?

The rich man just sat back and thought of the wealth he had in store,
And how to keep what he had earned from the lazy shiftless poor.

The black man’s face bespoke revenge as the fire passed from his sight.
For all he saw in his stick of wood was a chance to spite the white.

The last man of this forlorn group did nought except for gain.
Giving only to those who gave was how he played the game.

Their logs held tight in death’s still hands was proof of human sin.
They didn’t die from the cold without they died from the cold within.

Once you realize that differences are strengths instead of weaknesses, and are willing to celebrate them, you are ready to synergize!

“Synergy is more than compromise or cooperation.  Compromise is 1+1=1.5.  Cooperation is 1+1=2.  Synergy is 1+1=3 or more!  It’s creative cooperation, with an emphasis on the word creative.  The whole is greater than the sum of the parts.”

So how do you do this??

Here’s a little break down shared in the book:

Getting to Synergy Action Plan:

1.  Define the problem or opportunity

2.  Their way (seek first to understand the ideas of others)

3.  My way (seek to be understood by sharing your ideas)

4.  Brainstorm (create new options and ideas)

5.  High Way (find the best solution)

There are countless opportunities to use the Action Plan!

• If you and your spouse want to vacation in different places.
• When you’re helping on a committee to plan an event.
• If you and your child disagree on something like curfew.
• When deciding whose family to spend Thanksgiving with.
• If you and your spouse have opposing ideas on anything!

“Synergy doesn’t just happen.  It’s a process.  You have to get there.”

Remember, it’s not a compromise!  Synergy exists, and it’s when both parties feel like they won!  It is truly Win-Win!  The key is for both of you to be willing to understand each other and celebrate your different opinions.

It will take creativity and thought, and I know you can do it!

You.

Got.

This.

Baby Steps:

• When you meet someone with a disability or impairment, don’t feel sorry for them or avoid them because you don’t know what to say. Instead, go out of your way to get acquainted.
• The next time you are having a disagreement with your spouse or child, try getting out the Getting to Synergy Action Plan.
• Share a personal problem with someone you trust. See if the exchanging of viewpoints leads to new insights and ideas about your problem
• This week, look around and notice how much synergy is going on all around you, such as two hands working together, teamwork, symbiotic relationships in nature, and creative problem solving.
• Think about someone who irritates you. What is different about them?  What can you learn from them?
• Brainstorm with your friends or family and come up with something fun, new, and different to do this weekend, instead of doing the same old thing again and again.
• Rate your openness to diversity in each of the following categories. Are you a shunner, tolerator, or celebrator?
  • Race
  • Gender
  • Religion
  • Age
  • Dress
  • What can you do to become a celebrator in each category?

Happy baby stepping!

See you next week for our final post in the 7 Habits series!

Kayleen

SDG

Every wonder how to get control of your life?  Sorry, but you can’t.  Read why here.

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