How many times have you set a goal, only to abandon it a short while later?  Fear not my friend, I have been right there with ya!  Why is it so hard to create new habits or follow through with what we say?  Because we’re human.  And I have some thoughts to help you!

First off, I must tell you HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!  Doesn’t it feel great?  I love the fresh feeling of the first week of January.  All my Christmas decorations are put away and my house is looking pretty empty -just the way I love it!  I actually over-decorate for Christmas on purpose, so that I will see a drastic difference and get that fresh clean feeling when I take it all down, haha!

And I hope you were able to tell a bunch of New Year jokes!  Those are something that I have not grown out of, haha!  When the clock strikes midnight (or if I go to bed early, then when I wake up the next morning) the first thing I love to say is “Oh man, I’m so hungry!  I haven’t eaten ALL YEAR!”  It just never gets old!  Lol!

Being the start of a new year, it only seemed natural to talk about goals, or New Year’s resolutions.  And being an avid goal-setter myself (and an equally consistent goal-dropper), I thought I would share some insight on what I learned the previous year and how it’s going to help me stick to my goals this year!

Last January, I made a goal to make my bed… every… single… day.  For one entire year!

I made the goal because 1- I love walking into my room when my bed is made.  And 2- I wondered if it would actually help me be more productive in other areas of my life.  (There’s a philosophy out there that says it will).

While it’s hard for me to say whether or not making my bed gave me a boost in other areas, I have a word to say about JUST MAKING my BED!

First off, I am both pleased and surprised to announce that I did not skip ONE DAY!  I (or my husband) made the bed every single day for the past year!  Even when I was sick.  Even when I was sick on Christmas!  Even when I was sick of making the bed!

This is so significant to me because I have never -and I mean NEVER- followed through with a new goal so diligently.  There were different reasons for my success, which you can read about here, but what I want to talk about today is the mental process that I went through.

See, there were three VERY noticeable phases that I experienced when creating this new habit.

The first phase was fun and exciting!  We’ll call it the Motivated Phase.

I had made a new goal, and I was feeling very… well, motivated!  Haha.  It was easy for me to make my bed each morning, and I was feeling very successful.

It’s like those first couple weeks of starting a new exercise routine, clean eating, or budget!  It’s new and exciting, so therefore it’s fun and easy to do.  I’m sure you can relate.

Then came the all-too-familiar second stage: the Resistance Phase.

Right when I thought this new habit was going to come easy, it started to become a very painful thing to do.

So much so, that I can tell you with a surety that if I did not have a “higher” reason for making this habit, I would absolutely have quit on myself.  I know I would have because that’s what I’ve done every other time in my life, and it’s what I WANTED to do again.

Not only had the motivation worn off, but there was some un-motivation happening.  Each morning, I had thoughts like “I’ll just skip it today”, or “I changed my mind, I don’t really care to make my bed each day”.

Perhaps you know what I’m talking about, eh?  We’ve all experienced the Resistance Phase!  It’s when we start to trail off on our New Year’s resolutions and forget about them entirely.

I cannot explain how difficult it was to push through this 30 second task, but I literally had to just force myself to go through the motions.

I’m not sure exactly how long this phase lasted… (WAY too long, is all I know for sure!)  But it was probably around a couple weeks.

And then something magical happened.

The rain stopped, the clouds parted, and as the heavens opened, a ray of sparkling light shone down on me each morning. 

The resistance was gone.

I had made a breakthrough!

For the first time in my life, I had entered the Comfortable Phase.

A natural feeling was in the air as I completed the simple task each morning.

A new habit was born.

It is so fascinating to look back and observe my thoughts throughout this last phase.

You might think that from here on out, “no effort” was required because the word “habit” sounds like something so automatic that you don’t have to think about doing it.

Well, let me tell you, I did still have to think about it.

Here’s how it went:

For the first several weeks of being in the Comfortable Phase, everything was great!  It once again became easy enough for me to make my bed each morning.  And then…

Then…

It became such a simple task in my mind that I realized it would be just as easy to make my bed as it would be to not make my bed.  That doesn’t really make much sense, but I remember thinking that, haha!

There was no “resistance” anymore, so it wasn’t a difficult thing to accomplish, but there was a little nag in my mind every now and then telling me that since the habit was established, I could afford to skip it every once in a while.

This is where the danger comes is.

Have you ever stopped doing something because it was such a simple thing to do, and you thought you could easily start doing it at any time, only to find that when you wanted to do it again, the neuropathway had been weakened?

(I haven’t, because I’ve never made it to the Comfortable Phase in the first place, haha!)

Again, if I had not been determined to NOT MISS ONE DAY, I believe I may have fallen into this trap!!

So I am here to warn you!  Beware!

First off, let’s back up and talk about the Resistance Phase a little more.

When –not if, but WHEN you enter this stage with your New Year’s Resolutions, just be ready for it!

If you EXPECT that it will come, you can be prepared to power through!  And power through you must, because I’m telling you, there is sunlight on the other side!

When you start to feel like you want to quit, tell yourself that you’re just going to do it for 3 more days!

And after those 3 days, if it’s still hard, tell yourself that you can do it just one more time!

And if you’re still struggling after that, tell yourself that if you can get through 2 more days that you’ll give yourself a reward!  Choose any reward you like!

Basically, just do whatever you need to do to GET THROUGH the Resistance Phase.  And know that it will not last forever! 

Imagine yourself pressing through a big burst of dusty wind that’s coming right at you.  And just keep going.   Then envision yourself making it out on the other side!  Know that you’ll get there, and just force yourself to go through the motions until it becomes simple again.

I believe that knowing this, and expecting it, will help me to stick to my goals this year!  And I think it can help you too!!

And when you reach the Comfortable Phase, remember not to get TOO comfortable, as it might be tempting to “just take a little break for no good reason”.

Something else I learned last year is that I do better at mastering one habit at a time.  How about you?  Making my bed was the only habit I was super focused on last year, but I did have some other things I was aware of and sort of worked on like drinking more water.  But I didn’t worry too much about making sure I did the other things perfect every day.

I usually pile up the New Year’s resolutions and end up overwhelming myself with 5 or 6 new goals.  And when the Resistance Phase hits, I’m just a gonner.  (However, that was also before I knew the secret of plowing through, so maybe things could be different.)

Still, I only set one major goal this year that I want to achieve, and that is to live by my planner.  I want the entire contents of my brain on paper so that I can free up my thinking space!  And if I write something down, I want to follow through and make it happen! 

I’m currently so excited about it (Motivated Phase)!  And I am on guard and ready to take on the Resistance Phase whenever it shall come!

I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much to think about, but I need to just add one more little snippet while we’re on the topic.

See, making my bed took 30 seconds, which means I could find the energy and time no matter the day or situation.  When I was sick, I probably did a sloppy job of it, but I did it nonetheless.

If your goal is something that takes more time or energy, like working out for an hour, there may be days where you physically can’t complete it.  When you’re sick or on vacation, goals can easily be dropped.

To this, I say you can either give yourself grace or abide by the 2-minute rule.

Let’s start with grace…

I will have more to say on this later, but basically, forgive yourself when you mess up.  You are not a horrible person or a failure if you slack on your goals for ANY reason.  You are, however, human.  So forgive your human mistakes and try again.

Now “what’s the 2-minute rule?” you ask…

In James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits, he says that when you start a new habit, it should not take you longer than 2 minutes to complete.  There is always room to improve your habit in the future, once it’s established, but in the beginning, it should not take you more than 2 minutes.

So if your goal is to go running or lift weights, I imagine that you’re going to want to do it for more than a mere 2 minutes!  This means that you need to find a “gateway habit”.  Meaning, something that leads up to the “bigger habit”.

If you made a habit of putting on your gym clothes and tennis shoes at a certain time each day, that could be considered a gateway habit, because the actions that follow (going to the gym) come more naturally but are not part of the habit itself.

And if there is a day that you feel sick, you can still change your clothes or put on your running shoes.  You may just discover that once you complete that small little habit, you’ll find yourself doing something more -even if it’s just walking around the block!  

Here are some examples of gateway habits listed in Atomic Habits, to get you thinking:

There are 2 reasons for finding a gateway habit.

1-To make it easier for yourself (James talks about the science of our brains wanting to take the path of least resistance.)

2-To help you “keep the chain going”.  There is power in “not missing one day”, and the longer your chain of success gets, the more you’ll want to keep it going!

So even though it might seem silly to put on your running shoes when you plan to take them off right afterward, you can do it just so you can say that you completed the task… every… single… day!

So, my question for you is, what are you going to achieve this year?  Please share in the comments!

All my love, hope, and well wishes for your success!

Empowering you to embrace your agency and liberate yourself through conscious choice!

Remember to take time for yourself this year!  Read 27 Simple Ways to Rejuvenate Yourself for some fun ideas!

If you need help plowing through the Resistance Phase, read my post on Showing Up for Yourself.