Do you ever find yourself making the same mistakes over and over again?  Is it best to continuously forgive yourself for them and show compassion for yourself?  Or does that just give you permission to keep repeating the negative behavior?  Let’s see what the pros have to say about it.

We are over half-way through January, and I’m checking in to see how your New Year’s Resolutions are coming along!

Are you still going strong?

Have they fallen by the wayside?

No judgement!!  I’m just asking…

As much as I tried to help set you up for success in achieving your goals this year, I know that it is all easier said than done.  Believe me, I know!

And today’s post is going to address the importance of self-forgiveness.  This is something that changed my whole world!  And I present it to you today with all the love and encouragement in my soul.

Alright, let’s pretend that you made some pretty stellar goals this year and you’ve already abandoned them.  How would you feel about yourself if that were truly the case?

If it were me (or actually my past self), I would have felt terrible.  I’d think that I was a drop-out, a failure, and a lazy couch potato (just saying that makes me want to reach for some potato chips!).  I’d say to myself that I’m not surprised and that I didn’t really have that much faith in me in the first place.

Would I pick up and try again?  Heavens no.  I’d have to wait until next year, haha.

Now how about a situation that has nothing to do with goals?    Because… this is a message for you whether you achieve your goals or not.  And even if you SET goals or not!

What if you had a date to meet your friend for lunch, and completely forgot about it, and left her hanging?  Would you just feel awful and beat yourself up?

Or if you told someone you’d watch their kids for them, but spaced it and were not home when they came to drop them off?  How would you treat yourself, and for how long would you hold those feelings?

I am not proud of the way I used to treat myself when I made mistakes, but I’m grateful for everything I’ve done so that I could learn a more loving way and now share it with you.

See, I have been guilty of some pretty dumb blunders in my day. 

I used to space the carpool after school all the time, and would leave a handful of kids waiting for me until I got a call from the school.  Once, I forgot to bring treats for after my daughter’s soccer game—mind you, treats are the only reason some kids sign up for soccer!  I even forgot to send my kid to a birthday party one time!  And I have accidentally stood many people up through the years.

And for all of this, I told myself that I was an idiot.  I put myself down and said that I was a horrible person.

There was specifically a phase in my life where I felt like I was dropping the ball left and right, and I remember comparing myself to dirt. 

I felt.  Like.  Dirt.

It was hard to live with all of those thoughts, and I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone.  Not even (or especially) bullies or “mean people”, whom you might think deserve to feel bad about themselves.  (But did you know that the reason a person bullies another person is because they feel bad about themselves?  So let’s not make that worse.)

I’m glad to know how terrible it is to live like that so that I can send more love, compassion, and encouragement to you to change your thoughts, no matter where you are on the gray scale.

Do you ever make mistakes?  The answer is YES!  (Unless you’re a robot).

Do you ever get down on yourself because of it?  …Again, if you’re human and were never taught differently, I’d guess that you do, at least occasionally.

So today, I’d like to offer you a new idea for what to say to yourself when you make any sort of mistake.  And that is to love and forgive yourself.

You’re just not perfect and you never will be in this life, which means you’re going to mess up a lot.  Expect it.  And make a plan for it.

If you were to think about how you would treat your best friend if they accidentally stood you up for a lunch date, what would that look like? 

Would you tell them they’re an awful friend or a terrible person?

Might you hold a grudge against them for a long time?

Or would you show love and compassion, offering forgiveness immediately?

You understand that everyone makes mistakes, and that their life just got a little crazy, so you let it go and reschedule… right?

So why not treat your very own self the same way?

Why not give yourself some of that same compassion that is abundant inside of you, that you so freely give to others?

You are deserving of your own love and forgiveness, and it is paramount that you allow yourself to receive it.

Does this idea resonate with you?  Or does it challenge your belief system?

I used to believe that I must put myself down in the name of remaining humble.  But I can tell you with absolute truth that that is not what being humble means.

If you want to be humble, then be teachable.

If you want to be humble, then thank God and give Him credit for all that you have and are.

If you want to be humble, then acknowledge your strengths and weaknesses equally.

That is what humility looks like.

Can you imagine Jesus Christ telling Himself that He is a horrible person?  I don’t think so…

Can you imagine Him wanting you to tell yourself that you’re not good enough?  Absolutely not…

So, if you’d like to love yourself to the fullest, start by treating yourself the same way you would treat someone you love.  Talk to yourself kindly.  Forgive yourself often.  Let yourself see the good in you.  Give yourself some grace.

Now, with this, I must speak of another experience I had.

So, speaking of giving yourself grace… that has been one of the themes of my life this past year or so.  Whenever I said I was going to do something, if I spaced it or otherwise didn’t do it, I’d just say “I choose to give myself some grace” and move on. 

Like… I did this a lot.

To the point where I started to contemplate whether I was just turning into a flaky person with myself.

I think that maybe with a lifetime of beating myself up, I just needed to go through a phase of time where I could mess up without emotionally punishing myself.  To be honest, it was kinda nice.

For the hundredth time, when I found myself saying “I choose to give myself some grace”, I wondered if I would be better off with a different approach.  I felt like I had an infinite amount of “free passes to not even try” because I could just “give myself some grace”.

“Should I be a little harder on myself?”  I asked. 

And with everything in my soul, I knew that was not the answer.  Being mean is never the answer.  Christ taught EVERYTHING with love.

So again, I gave myself some grace and this time I decided that I’d LIKE to step it up and be more accountable to myself when I say I’m going to do something.

I wanted to make this change because I loved myself. 

Because I was ready to give back to the girl inside me who had been so patient and kind for so long.

And because of that, I have felt a change inside and have seen a change in my behavior.  I actually make great efforts to follow through with what I say.  For one thing, I write stuff down like crazy so I can remember it (which has helped tremendously)!

Now, I know that my one experience cannot be generalized across the board of all humankind, so I asked AI if there is any research to back this idea up; and in fact, there IS!  AI said:

“Yes, research indicates that people are more likely to change their behavior positively when they practice self-compassion and forgive themselves, rather than criticizing themselves harshly; studies show that self-compassion is linked to better coping mechanisms, increased motivation to improve, and a greater ability to accept responsibility for mistakes while moving forward.

Excessive self-criticism often leads to feelings of stress, unhappiness, and procrastination, making it harder to implement positive behavioral changes.

Research suggests that people who practice self-compassion are more likely to acknowledge their mistakes, learn from them, and make amends, leading to better behavioral adjustments.”

There you have it…

It’s time to give yourself some grace.

Give yourself some grace if you’ve already deserted your New Year’s resolutions.

Give yourself some grace if you make a huge mistake.

Give yourself some grace if you make a little mistake.

Give yourself some grace if you make a fool of yourself.

Give yourself some grace if you do not meet your own expectations.

Give yourself some grace.

This year, choose…

Choose to give yourself some grace.

Choose to give yourself some grace for as long as it takes.

Choose to give yourself some grace every… single… time. 

Let it be your theme of 2025.

“Offering grace as I strive; this year in 2025.”  Haha.

I love you so much.  I hope you know that.  You are a cherished soul, deserving of all the love, compassion, and forgiveness in the world.

Are you already familiar with this concept?  Tell me in the comments!

Best wishes!

Empowering you to embrace your agency and liberate yourself through conscious choice!

If you love this idea of being kind to yourself, I know you would love my post called Stop Telling Yourself That You’re Enough.

But what if you’re a complete mess?  How about Love Yourself Amongst the Mess…?